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I can't tell what I want anymore

WChestnutNew Contributor19 Sept 2024, 11:56 am AEST

I can't tell what I want anymore

Little background, I 33(NB) and my partner (33M) have been together for almost 6 years, he has 2 kids from a previous relationship I now consider my own.

We both have complex mental health issues, diagnosed depression, anxiety and PTSD and suspected OCD on my end, and diagnosed Bipolar 2 on his end + a chronic pain condition. I had very emaotionally immature parents which has led to quite a fearful and avoidant attachment style.

He is a kind, loving and considerate partner who has always responded to my concerns in a respectful way. We share a lot of hobbies, friends and own a home together.

The last couple of months I've really been struggling with anxiety surrounding our relationship, whether I really love him, whether I can see a future together. When he tries to make plans for future activities I get a pang of anxiety because I don't know if we will still be together in 3 or 6 months time. I often have constant thoughts of breaking up, what separating our finances would entail, worries about losing mutual friends, what would happen to the kids, questioning whether I am happy, whether I love him the same way he loves me.

I know I tend to over think things, I'm a very cognitive person. But I just feel so stuck. When I think of breaking up I get nauseous and almost throw up, but I am so tired of feeling this way, especially for weeks on end. There is no end to these thoughts, and I can't just out logic them. I alternate between feeling numb and incredibly anxious.

I can't tell what I want anymore. I just feel stuck and unsatisfied with my life. Has anyone ever been in a place like this before? How did you handle it?

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In response to: I can't tell what I want anymore

Ru-beeModerator19 Sept 2024, 3:01 pm AEST

Re: I can't tell what I want anymore

Hello @WChestnut

This sounds like it's a really confusing space to be in. While I can't speak from my own experience, I just wanted to pop by and welcome you to the forums and say good on you for making your first post, I know it can be a hard thing to do.

While you're waiting for others to find your post who can share from their own similar experiences, I was just wondering whether you've been able to talk about these feelings with anyone else?

I know I find clarity when I talk things through with others, perhaps if you don't have anyone that you'd feel comfortable talking to about this, then reaching out here can serve a similar function of helping you to process your thoughts and feelings around this a little more.

I also wonder if couples counselling would be something that you'd consider, as I hear how frightening it is to think about ending your relationship at this point. Maybe having the safe space to talk about what's happening and work through it would help?

Ultimately you need to do what's best for you, and we're here to support you in whatever that means for you.

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