A dark hole.

Hi @Bluebird11

Thanks for sharing, and welcome to the community.

I'm sorry to hear you're feeling so detached from the world. It's good that you've found us, though. I'm hoping you'll find the support you need here, which will translate into positive changes in your life.

Stay strong, and I look forward to seeing your around the forums 🙂

Hi @Bluebird11, I felt very similar for most of my life. I've only recently over the past year or so tried to venture out of my own little prison I created for myself. I think it started when I was a little kid and built these walls up to protect myself. I then just repeatedly strengthened them over the years, until I saw how isolated I had made myself and now I was surrounded my these walls that I now had no way of getting out of.

For me anyway, it's been important to keep reminding myself I have worth and it wasn't all my fault, I just had no one there to support me when I needed it, so my young mind did what it could to protect me. I can only tell myself all this over and over again so many times but it's always drowned out by the same old negative thoughts. What helped me to keep the good thoughts from fading was to start reaching out and being around people who were actually supportive. Here for example, has been a massive part of that for me.

So I think you're made a great step sharing your feelings and hopefully you find it as helpful as I do start hearing some positivity and supportive voices to remind you that you're not invisible, you're not alone, and most importantly... you do matter and you do have worth! I hope you can use it to start climbing your way out of your own dark hole. There's good people here who will help you start to see that light.

Hi @Bluebird11

I read your post over and over again as it really resonated with a time in my life when I wasn't in a good place.

I think people pleasing is very much underrated when it comes to feelings of self worth. Every time you do it, it's like adding a rock to your backpack, until the weight of it crushes you.

It's so easy for people to tell you to set boundaries but when you feel so worthless it's easier said than done. Even if you pluck up the courage to say "no" or to disagree with someone, you end up feeling guilty and going right back to people pleasing again to keep the peace or from feeling the weight of guilt.

If it's family and/or friends why not tell them you are suffering from depression and you need a bit of support at the moment.

That dark hole is such a lonely place, but it's easy to become used to it. People on this forum often say medication takes the edge off depression so it might be worth discussing it with a GP.

Have you been suffering alone for a long time? Do you have anyone who could be a support buddy?

I'm new to this forum to and after my dad died I lost all sense of who I was, so I tried pleasing everyone as well. I was taken advantaged of so many times that I became very withdrawn and stopped speaking for almost two years. I am still terrified of people and very rarely talk to anyone unless I absolutely have to. I have come to terms with living on my own without friends and family (3 sisters) but it's not for everybody.

I hope this forum helps you to feel supported. It's really hard to open up as newbies as you can worry sometimes that people will judge you but everyone is in the same boat to varying degrees. So if you are having a really bad day or night just write it down on the forum. I notice many of the seasoned contributors do that. Usually posted throughout the night. I remember one post just had "Arrrgggggggg!" Said it all. 🙂

If you feel up to it keep us up-to-date.

Take care 🌻

@Former-Member

I just joined this group because I read your post. I’m so sorry you feel this way.

I often feel lost, alone, alienated and isolated. And I can relate. I know it’s because I tried to hard to protect myself and now I’ve built myself a fortress I can’t get out of.
I keep trying but nothing seems to help and I feel really destitute. I feel so alone. Even when I’m surrounded by people.

I hope you can find a way out

Welcome to the forums @Turtleshell @Bluebird11 ,

Know that you aren't alone.

We hear how hard it must be to feel you are in a deep hole. I can totally relate. It's like a hole where the more you try to get out, the deeper you find yourself.

What are things that usually give you pleasure @Turtleshell ?

We are here for you.

Thank you. Honestly, pleasure has been evading me for a while. In the past, exercising and eating good food has helped but it’s not been working recently.
getting in nature helps but that’s not something I can access often as I live in the city. I’ve been trying to get there when I’m not working/ have energy but it’s hard to hang on for

I'm glad you have connected with us @Turtleshell . It may encourage you to get out when you can. You deserve to feel connected.

Thanks.

@Bluebird11 how are you doing? Are you going ok?

@Bluebird11

Just adding my support like the others. I hope something lovely comes your way and lifts you out of that dark hole.💐🌻🌼

Take care of yourself as best you can.

R 🌹