Had enough

I relate to this so much, completely different life experience but I also think it’s almost logical to think of ‘checking out’. However - 2 things stop me (neither of which are things/people in this world, because I find when I feel really really bad, I don’t feel connected to anyone, and can’t feel love in my heart). If I share them maybe it will help you too.

1. I think about that documentary about people jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge, and how the very few people who survived ALL regretted it straight after jumping.
2. I know for every time I have felt like this, of which in my life has been a lot, I have always ended up feeling better.

I don’t know what supports you have, but feeling like this isn’t safe and needs you to take action. You’ve taken some already by writing on here. Feel free not to answer as I know I’m just some random stranger on the internet, but I’d love to hear from you just one other thing you feel you can do.

For me right now it’s doing a little deep breathing, writing on here, and allowing myself to stay in bed until I see my psych tomorrow. It’s a shitty plan in some ways cos I’ve been in bed a lot, but it’s worth hanging on another day.

Anyway, I am sorry you are feeling so bad. I’m sorry to hear of your situation. And I hope you realise your worth regardless of what it may look like from the outside, or even in your own head.
Stay with us.

Hey @THX1138,

It sounds like you've had a really rough go with things. I can relate quite a lot as I also had quite a severe manic and psychotic episode before I was diagnosed that damaged relationships and burned bridges. I really resonate with the last part you said about being able to handle the illness but not having your life wrecked, I really felt that.

The family court can absolutely be a very flawed and unfair system, I'm sorry you had to go through that and I'm sorry you don't have contact with your kids at the moment, that is understandably really painful.

It's great that you've responded well to treatment, that is a really strong thing in your favour and a testament to your strength. I know it's hard to feel it right now but circumstances can change, things can get better and most often they do. If I had have checked out all the times I was close I would have missed out on so many wonderful things that I never could have imagined possible at that time.

Bipolar disorder makes you a fighter, I know because I am one too. Checking out is never the right idea, it's always a trick. Keep fighting, keep talking, we are here for you 💜

@THX1138 hold on my friend. i have/am there. hang onto the little bits of happiness. the decent cup of tea/coffee. the warmth of a heater on a cold night. things will get better they always do just takes time.

Hey @THX1138 I can hear how hard things have been. It sounds as though you have put in so much work and energy into both going through treatment, and then going through the family court system.

As others have mentioned here, it's a real testament to your strength. I know that it can get to a point where you don't want to have to be strong anymore, but there are always supports out there to help you through. I'm going to send you an email to check in on how you're feeling at the moment.

Please keep reaching out here, as you can see through these wonderful responses, we are here for you.

Hello @THX1138

@Hearing you about mental health struggles and inadequate family court system. Yes even from a female point of view.

Hope you find a path that fits for you.

checking in on the forum has helped me.

lots of different people to talk to….