Psychologist support

Hello,

This is my first time here. My husband received a diagnosis of major depressive disorder (MDD) and then ADHD mid-late 2023.On reflection we believe he has been depressed for a number of years.

Life is very difficult and has been for a long time. My husband is self employed with his business often not making enough money to support us with him having week long periods of him leaving the house but not doing paid work. The only person he speaks with other than me is his brother who works for him, and he is only aware of my husbands health due to me reaching out to him last year when my husband was having suicidal thoughts but refusing to talk to me. He works out of a shed at his parents so sees them almost daily but does not feel safe to speak with them about his health.

We are currently in a cycle of something upsetting my husband (very unpredictable, but to be fair I have very little patience currently) and he will stonewall me for sometimes weeks on end. My psychologist has said we are living as a separated couple in the same house currently because he wont sleep in our bed. So many of our experiences as a family are clouded by my husbands mood, and my children are missing out on so much life. I love my husband so much but will not stay if things do not improve because there is a lot of emotional abuse that I am subjected to that my psych has helped me to see (stonewalling, gaslighting).

I have said that he either lets me in and starts getting help or we separate. He sent an email to a psychologist he had seen previously outlining a whole lot of issues in our relationship and my inability to 'generously nurse' him through the challenges he is having. I sent a follow up email to his psych acknowledging challenges in our relationship, but outlining my concerns as he was not sleeping, eating properly, ? working. She saw him 2 business days later but the feedback my husband provided was that the psych said:

1. It was good I was getting mental health support (I agree)

2. We should engage a couples counsellor (I agree and had already suggested same)

3. They would book a review appt for in three weeks and if we managed to get into the couples counsellor before then he can cancel the appt with her

I then attended the next appointment (3 weeks later) and questioned whether she is encouraging my husband to engage, and expressed that I didn't think this was only a relationship issue as my husband is hearing criticism that is not logical? She reported the following:

-you can only work at the rate of the patient (I agree, but think this person should be supported and encouraged to engage, removing barriers to engagement, educated re: the benefits of psychotherapy etc.)

-She felt that my husbands actions/thoughts are logical and that the issue she sees here is that I have lost the ability to listen to him and he has lost the ability to listen to me

-again reiterated that it is very important for me to have psych support and for us to do couples counselling and that she is happy to continue to see my husband but acknowledges that paying for three different supports is challenging so may not be possible.

After a couple of days of trying and not being able to follow through my husband consented to me booking a GP appointment for a MHCP and to me attending this appointment with him. The GP was empathetic, emotionally intelligent, engaged my husband beautifully and completed the K10 which clearly showed depression. He has recommended a rapid wean of his current medication and to commence a new medication so we are expecting for things to get worse before they get better.

Although engaging the psych 4.5 weeks ago he has had two appointments where the main focus is our relationship, although in only 3 weeks he will have seen his GP three times with the focus on getting him better.

My question is around the psych support he is getting. I want to make sure I am seeing this clearly and that it's not my feelings of hurt of her saying the current situation is that I'm not listening to my husband. I am so relieved that he is speaking with someone and he feels safe with her so I don't want to risk this. However my understanding is that he is going to be living with his condition for the rest of his life and I want him to have the best team around him to get the best outcomes, especially when he finds it so difficult to engage and I really question whether this current psych is seeing the situation clearly?

Thank you in advance for your advice.

P.S. Sorry for so many words!! I was trying to add context but still feel there is so much missing!