Don't feel like an active participant in life

Hi @SpaceInvaderz, So sorry to hear you're doing it tough at the moment. A fair bit of what you wrote I can identify with. I've always been there anytime to help anyone, but it seems they disappear when I need some help in return. It does leave you feeling useless. I won't even go into dates, I had my first one at 42 years old so I definitely know what it's like to struggle in that department!

You're right, in that you are still young enough to change things and have kids and all the other thing you want in life. I've always found it helpful to remind myself that no one else has the ability to control how I feel about myself unless I let them. Sometime you then realise you have people in your life that will never really be there for you and that maybe you're better off without them around and they'll be worse off without you around.

I'm now 53 years old, a am always looking back at all the things I missed out in life and how much time I wasted. I doesn't help that it took my turning 40 to realise I needed to change things and made a big effort to step out side of my comfort zone and try a few new things. Sometimes I think that's what you have to do, step out side your comfort zone, try some new things, and just believe in yourself. It sounds like you're already trying to change things so you're 11 years ahead of me. I too have also made decisions that I've... not so much regretted - because I know what fears made me make those decisions... wished I'd made differently. So I'm not sure if it feels the same for you, but for me, the bad decisions were more about overcoming self-confidence and self-doubt than down to not being able to make good decisions.

So have a bit of faith in yourself and your decisions, don't let others bring you down and just go do what you think is best for you. You still have time and things will get better once you decide you want to make them better.

I don't know if any of this helps you. I hope some of it does. Either way, I wish you all the best in making things better and finding a life that feels far better to live.

Wow @SpaceInvaderz I'm sorry to hear things are so tough for you at the moment. I'm with @MJG017 about focusing on doing your own thing. For me, the thing I needed to do was to stop looking - stop looking for a partner or for friends and just started doing stuff I enjoy. The minute I stopped looking was when my partner found me! My theory is that I was so desperate to connect, that the desperation came through in my words and actions, and ended up turning people off me... But when I stopped looking, I was able to relax and be more myself.

I'm also sorry to hear you've had a string of bad luck when it comes to therapy. Finding the right therapist is key, and it sounds like you've just not found the right person. Have you looked through the databases at all?

APS Find a Psychologist

Psych Today Find a Counsellor

There's also the Trauma Support Directory, which might be more relevant. I hope things shift for you soon hun, and we're here for you if you need 💜

Hey @SpaceInvaderz, I really like your name btw!

I'm sorry to read you're feeling so disassociated from life right now. I just wanted to tell you that you are not alone and nobody has it all figured out, especially not in their late 20's. When I was your age yes I had had the partner and the kids and seemingly good life, but then I pretty much lost it all. I found myself a single parent, isolated without a single friend, no money, practically homeless, no job prospects, no car, no licence and a lifetime of trauma to try unpack.. As you can imagine this took a massive toll on my mental health. I felt like I was simply just existing day to day and not living. I think you can relate to this feeling.

You are still so young, I am older than you and I still don't even know what I want to be when I grow up. What helped me was to start living for myself, to the beat of my own drum, and not to anybody else's expectations or standards. There is no timeline or checklist to life, we all do things at our own paces and readiness, you have plenty of time.

I hear that having an overbearing and overburdening parent probably makes things a bit complicated, and having had past experiences with bad therapists too. You should definitely look into those resources that @Jynx provided because there are good ones out there and you deserve the right support to take control of your life 💜

Hi @SpaceInvaderz, Sorry to hear you are going through this, I feel your frustration and pain. I get what you are saying. Growing up I went through a similar situation, my parents were always making decisions for me, being an introvert I didn't say much.

We live in a world where everything moves too quickly! With a lot of pressure and demand, we think of the future too much and forget to live in the present moment. Take small steps, and make small achievable goals for yourself. Slow down, take some time off to engage in things that bring you joy, like your hobbies.

Please don't be too hard on yourself, believe in yourself that things will change for you for the better because you matter! I wish you all the happiness and success in your life, we are all here to listen and support you in any way we can, take care.