Feeling trapped 😞

Hey @GypsyH ,

Sounds like a very difficult place to sit in - alone.

I hear that the teenagers have very little respect for you. Do they live with you or is it just a visit? No on deserves to be treated like that.

Have you ever had the chance to sit down with them to get to the bottom of what it is that is stirring the strife?

I hear how trapped you feel. As for the car, does your job allow you to have a novated lease? That way, you can have a car through your work?

Please know you are not alone. We are here with you.

👋🏼 Welcome to the forum @GypsyH

What does your partner bring to the relationship?

@scruffypuffball might be able to add some insight?

G

My partner seems to be adding more debt and stress lately, with finding out yesterday that he hasn't been paying the rates either and it's been sent to debt collectors. This has nearly broken any hope I had of getting on top of our debts let alone getting finance for a reliable car for myself.

As we're not married yet, I'm asking myself am I wrong not to want to keep supporting him with all his problems? In the beginning he promised me we'd make a life together, but I've slowly realised that it's more about me slotting into the mess he's got with a troublesome ex and debt he built up before I came along. We don't make any plans as a couple because he needs whatever money he has for when he has the kids, and takes them to whatever sports they play while I'm stuck here unable to even see my family.

It's getting beyond bearable and feels one sided.

I honestly don't know what to do anymore.

Hi @GypsyH

Thank for providing the SANE Community with a brief insight into your past and current challenges. Your demonstration of trust is appreciated, as we understand how difficult it can be to disclose personal experiences. Your post indicates that your parents mean a lot to you. Furthermore, from what I'm hearing, they are a great 'set of ears' for discussing your current challenges, which, in some respects have a financial basis.

While unqualified to comment on the specifics of your financial difficulties, it seems to me that gaining access to an alternative vehicle or other form of transport, is a priority. In this regard, I wonder if you have considered speaking with a financial counsellor at Lifeline? This free service is available to support people with financial concerns, including identifying options for restructuring loans, household budgets etc. Or more simply, it provides the 'breathing space' for people to get their financial affairs back on track.

Your post also indicates that you are a strong woman, who has faced and overcome multiple challenges. Equally, it highlights self-awareness, including that aspects of your interpersonal relationships are causing you anxiety. Beyond these perceptions, I also see that an emotional commitment to your partner is tested by his behaviour that is impacting on your physical health and wellbeing. To these points, please keep in mind that violence is never okay.

Assuming my perceptions are correct (or at least, in some way close to reality), there might also be benefit in you seeking the support of a counsellor with experience in helping people that are exposed to intimate partner violence. This could include counsellors that are attached to women's community health centre or refuge, who, apart from providing emotional support, can identity your options moving forward.

Lastly, it is perfectly fine for you to prioritise your wellbeing and happiness. This includes placing importance on self-care, and honouring your human worth and dignity.

https://www.lifeline.org.au/

https://www.sane.org/counselling-support

Hi @GypsyH

It sounds like a really tough and trying situation to be in. Well done on reaching out here on the forums, I hope you find the support you need.

I'm sorry to hear about the tough financial situation you are in and also that you are so isolated in your current town.

It sounds like getting your car fixed is a priority. I know how dangerous roads can be in remote areas, if you are unsure if it will make it to the mechanic if you drive, would getting it towed be an option? This would guarantee it gets to where it needs to go to get repaired. When it is repaired will it be reliable enough to get you out of town to see your parents and son?

The relationship you have described with your partner sounds very one sided and unfair on you. You mentioned it has been an "abusive relationship physically and emotionally" and that you are experiencing a lot of stress, anxiety and depression because of it (quite understandably i must say). Do you have any other supports that can help you in dealing with this -gp, psychologist, social worker etc? I just want to say that being abused is never ok. Please look after yourself 💙

The lack of respect that his children show you is also really disheartening. I understand that he has the dual cab when they are with you on weekends, but would you still be able to get out of the house for a little bit when there are staying with you? I know this isn't the same as getting in your car to see your family, but it might be a little bit of a sanity break for you to get you away from the noise and disrespect?

Warm regards

SkySeeker22

Thank you for your answer, yes getting the car fixed is my main focus and priority, you definitely understand how necessary transport is to me or anyone for that matter out here.

I'm hoping it will make the trip just poking along slowly as there are no tow trucks here.

As for the rest of the situation, I am going to consider all possible scenarios, with my peace and happiness being the ultimate goal.

I will keep you posted,

Thanks for your time, itl truly means a lot to me just to get another perspective.

Thank you, I wasn't aware of such services ☺️

I always try to remind myself I was once a troubled teen. But I totally get you, espcially when times are hard you lose patience and feel hopelessness and just wish for a change.

Do you know what is the problem with your car? Its also a good idea to keep in your thoughts that repair costs can add up pretty quickly and sometimes more practical to r

replace it with a old but decent used ones.

And just throwing some ideas out here, have you considered maybe getting on a motorbike or scooter. They are drastically cheaper to use, maintain and keep compare to a car.

I hope and wish your partner will be more present for you, these sorts of challnges calls for a man to manage and resolve. Perhaps

communicating your struggles in a simple but straight forward way can help? I believe men can be a bit unorthodox and tends to autopilot to get on witb responsibilities which may seem like they dont care unintentionally.

I wish you get through all of these challenges swiftly.

Hi 👋🏼 @GypsyH I’m checking in to see if you’re safe and ok?

Tag me or any other forum friends by using @ in your post.

You matter to us.

G

Just want to say you sound like an amazing, resourceful and competent person who is have to keep everything afloat.

Put yourself first.

Do what’s right for you.

As you know; it’s ridiculous he has a working car while you struggle, you pay off his debts and don’t get to see your family while he sees his and spends all the money on them.

I know it’s really hard to leave.

You dont owe him anything and you don’t owe his teenagers anything.