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JUST MARRIED… sort of.

florencefiftySenior Contributor17 June 2024, 10:01 pm AEST

JUST MARRIED… sort of.

I am born and bred Australian, but my family is from an Eastern country.

I’ve long wanted a relationship. They decided to organise an arranged marriage for me.

You can see by my post history, I really didn’t want to. However, I committed to at least going overseas.

When I met my wife, by the end of the first day, I thought “damn, this is going to be hard to turn down”… and that’s what happened.

We arrived on 14 April. We got the OK from her father on 22 April. Our wedding was on 12 May.

She’s wonderful. We’ve laughed. We’ve cried. I’ve spilled literal blood, sweat and tears, so that’s the trifecta.

The job now is to get her a visa to come to Australia. That’s not very difficult, but it takes a long time. The government just says “between three months and three years”. Probably a year. A LONG long time.

It’s not her fault. As I said, she’s wonderful. However, I have to say, what a terrible system.

Who said it was a good idea to get married and then go back to Australia? I’ve been back in Australia for two and a half weeks. I’m really struggling with it.

We have been talking a lot online, but it’s not the same, we both know that. Non-verbal stuff was important in our relationship.

I had the idea of swapping watches. She has my watch that I wore at the wedding, and I have her favourite watch (she doesn’t like my favourite watch LOL).

I’ve been listening to music from my country. However, sometimes it’s not comforting, it hurts even more.

It sucks seeing couples out and about. It sucked when I was single. So what’s the point of marrying LOL?

I was right in front of a couple on the bus the other day, and I was listening to my wedding songs. The irony did not escape me. I felt gross, I just put my phone away.

I only married overseas because no-one else wanted me. I’m married but I’ve never had a girlfriend. As I said, it’s not her fault, but I can’t ignore the truth.

I’ve got a great partner, but with a catch. It’s a lot harder than most people have to cope with. A lot of things in my life are harder than they are for most people.

4 replies

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In response to: JUST MARRIED… sort of.

chibamSenior Contributor18 June 2024, 3:31 am AEST

Re: JUST MARRIED… sort of.

Damn, @florencefifty ... I'm super glad that you've found your girl, but I'm sorry to hear that government beaurocracy is keeping the two of you apart.

I know nothing about migration law, so everything I'm gonna say here is probably wrong, but is there any way she could maybe pop over on a tourist visa to visit with you for a while? Or could you maybe go back and visit with her? Or perhaps the two of you could meet up half way, and have a vacation in some country in between yours and hers? I realize that cost may also be a factor here, so maybe these ideas aren't workable.

When your having difficult times like those moments where you see other couples together, would it help to try to try to disconnect with the present, and try to go live in the past - or in the future, where your with your wife? Just close your eyes and image she's sitting right there beside you; try to convince yourself that you can actually hear her voice?

You may be in a dark tunnel at the moment, but there's a light at the end of it. Just try to hold on to that, and it should really help keep you going.

In response to: JUST MARRIED… sort of.

AsgardSenior Contributor18 June 2024, 10:56 am AEST

Re: JUST MARRIED… sort of.

Congratulations @florencefifty

Lets just say I was very happy to see that the arranged marriage went well and that you both were happy with the outcome. @chibam has mentioned some very good options regarding how you both can build on that marriage moment. I suppose in the long term, you must wait and follow due process, but there is heaps you can be doing before she arrives. You can become the best possible version of yourself, and your reward for all that effort is being able to live with your wife. Good luck mate and congrats again.........Asgard

In response to: JUST MARRIED… sort of.

MJG017Senior Contributor18 June 2024, 12:58 pm AEST

Re: JUST MARRIED… sort of.

@florencefiftyIt's difficult to imagine how difficult this must be. I can identify completely with seeing other couple together and the feelings that can conjure up. I can only suggest to stay focused on it's just a matter of time now until you can be together. Focus on that and hopefully it will be toward the shorter end of that time frame and you can enjoy the rest of your lives together.

In response to: JUST MARRIED… sort of.

Hope2RecoverySenior Contributor19 June 2024, 9:27 pm AEST

Re: JUST MARRIED… sort of.

Hi @florencefifty, Congratulations! Thank you for sharing your story, it must be overwhelming to deal with everything right now. Be patient and stay positive, think of all the good things that are going to happen to you, and visualise your life to be better. Wishing you all the happiness you deserve, take care.

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