Borderline personality disorder - son married to someone with borderline personality disorder

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Does she have any supports around her diagnosis?

Hi @Worriedmother,

I’m sorry to hear about your situation. It sounds incredibly challenging and stressful. It’s not uncommon for those with a family member who may have Borderline Personality Disorder to feel worried. I personally do not have experience living with BPD but many members on here do and I hope they will share their insights with you.

https://saneforums.org/t5/Forums-Blog/What-is-borderline-personality-disorder-BPD/ba-p/1051940

https://www.sane.org/information-and-resources/facts-and-guides/borderline-personality-disorder - This might be helpful in finding some new resources and for reading

Have you found any strategies that work well in maintaining your relationship with your son so far? How have you been coping with your own stress through all of this? Your well-being is important too.

Dear @Worriedmother

Thank you for your message.

I'm PeppyPatti,

Ive had a major head injury with permanent disabilities.

However after many years of therapy, iv come to terms that my mother is diagnosed bpd and narcassistic.

I'm not a professional. I do have weekly psychotherapy.

Ide confess - from my own experience and speaking to others - that this could be something a bpd daughter could do - to reject and isolate you.

This feels not just from what happened to me but others who have a relationship who are diagnosed borderline. That is is a trend from their stories of lying and rejecting people who have done absolutely nothing wrong.

However, the change can happen if people diagnosed with mentally ill health own and seek support.

It was very tough for me to admit I needed help. Golly. Sometimes it's a daily struggle.

Hi Lavenderhaze,

Many thanks for your reply. I appreciate all the resources and links. My daughter-in-law (as far as I know) hasn’t been diagnosed and I’m afraid of bringing it up with my son in case it makes things worse. I have been seeing a psychologist to help deal with this and this is their diagnosis of the behaviours I’ve been dealing with. All that I have read and also seen on this forum would suggest BPD. I try to help my son and daughter-in-law with the children when I can (I’m still a full time worker) and stay in touch with my son via text and FaceTime and initiate opportunities for us to be together. My daughter-in-law is wanting space from me which I have respected. I have a lovely group of friends and family that I get support from. Should I ask my son about diagnosing the behaviours or is this too risky? I know my daughter-in-law sees a psychologist and I think my son does too. Thanks for your support Worriedmother

Hi PeppiPatti thanks so much for your supportive and brave comments. I really appreciate your comment about how hard it is to seek help. Sending you thoughts in your daily struggle best wishes Worriedmother

Hi @Worriedmother ,

I'm hearing you. I have BPD, and know first hand what some of the hesitancies may be.

What I found most helpful was when people empowered me. So, rather than saying, "Oh, is it BPD?" the questioning can be framed "Are things working for you right now?"

By asking the latter question, they will have to think about whether things really are working, or if they want things to change. You will then be able to better gauge if they want to continue and open up the conversation for a potential BPD chat, or not.

Any thoughts?

Also, the BPD label can carry a lot of stigma. People may not want to be labelled BPD as they may align the diagnosis with "attention-seeker", "manipulative" etc.

Timing is key.

Hi Tyme thanks soo inch for your very helpful post. I totally agree about the challenges of labels which is why I’m reluctant to mention it. I guess these labels are only useful in making sure that the person receives the kind of support they need. I like your idea of asking how things are working out for my daughter-in-law. I will definitely do this although at the moment my daughter-in-law is not talking to me. It will certainly be an approach I will ask my son when he returns from his work trip. Really appreciate your helpful guidance best wishes Worriedmother