@Alonely I am so sorry that you feel you have to defend yourself and how it is effecting you physically, emotionally and mentally. It sounds like a very toxic environment to surround yourself in and it most definately takes a toll on someone more and more being in this type of environment.
Do you have a union representative that you could speak to about what is happening and how it is making you feel as legally an employer has an obligation to protect employees from all forms of harrassment, as what you are experiencing is harrassment, toxicity and emotional abuse and is not acceptable in any workplace.
I would be keeping a log of all and any encounters where this is happening, who is involved, when and where possible show proof. I would also talk to your supervisor about it and also log this as evidence and what outcome happened, ask for everything in writing as a paper trail.
If you feel like management are not taking it seriously you can speak to your supervisors, superior, which I have had to do in the past myself as I felt my own boss was to bias of my mental health condition, clearly had little understanding of it and person bias and stigma and too friendly with my work colleagues where she blurred the line between friend and manager. Favouritism was was definately shown between my fellow workers and myself in regards to work tasks, holiday leave, even the way I was repremanded for minor issues.
So I too have lived and worked a life in a toxic workspace, luckily after many years I realised what it was doing to my overall health, the lack of respect by work colleagues both via our electronic messaging service, openly in the office to others, overhearring it when they spoke with fellow work collegues, personal text messging between each other during work hours and how it finally broke me as a person. Like many people we put up with crap just to hold down a job and live because we have no choice but to pay bills. I have always lived open about my mental health condition.
The stubborn part in me was not going to let bullies push me out of my job and I stayed working in this toxic environment for many many years, looking back now I would not put myself through that again.
No job is ever worth your physical and mental health. Everyone has to get along whether they like each other or not. I have worked in some environments with not nice people on a daily basis but some places just really take the cake and can make your daily existance a living hell.
Like you I have done everything from choosing to be the bigger person and ignore it, address with the person/ people one on one directly, redirect it and address the stigma as well as correct misinformation, as well as report directly to my boss and eventually my bosses manager.
It sounds like your build up of anxiety may be leading to you developing panic attacks as a result and I have also gone through and overcame this as well in my working life. I am glad it is being noted with your GP. If u have an EAP policy they are independant counsellors you can talk to about this and can give you some directions as to others services. It is a confidential service and the employer is not advised of what you speak about.
It is up to you as an employee to show evidence of this harrassment, hence you need to document everything, date, time, what was said and done, word for word, who was involved, any potential witnesses.
I am always happy to talk as are the other peers online whenever you need. If you do speak to your manager, take a support person you trust with you to document what was spoken about and make sure you follow up anything that they agreed to do, get this in writing. Forward all these emails to yourself so you have a record, and a record for HR. A paper trail will be your best friend in dealing with these issues legally if it comes to it.
If it does get so bad you have the right to ask to be redeployed elsewhere if possible in the business.
I am signing off from my weekly shift for now but will check back in with you, when I am next online. You are not alone, and I could write a book about the stigma, discrimination, harrassment, emotional abuse that still goes on in workplaces even with all the policies and procedures in place legally and what are some of the pros and cons and the level people will stoop to to get you to resign or be pushed out, and the emotional tool, fall out and rebuilding resilence after the fact. 😼
