sopaContributor
Steps to take for a serious-sounding but ultimately empty suicide threat
Seeking some advice for who I can call if my partner says he’s going to die by suicide (he is safe).
My partner survived a suicide attempt 11 years ago and was diagnosed in hospital with bipolar, which he now manages with medication and therapy. His sister is a mental health professional and his family is supportive but living far away. During fights or moments of high emotion he’s occasionally threatened suicide, but hasn’t meant it. Tonight was different.
(Before I continue — my partner is safe and okay tonight and the plan to die that he outlined to me wasn’t something he intended on following.)
Earlier tonight he told me he’d hurt himself already, and described in detail his intention to die tonight and how he planned to do it. He was also furious at me. He has had bad experiences with the police, so instead of ringing 000 I immediately called CATT, but they told me to get the police to do a welfare check. I texted my partner several times explaining what my worry was and saying I wanted to call someone for help. He said he’d never speak to me again if I rang his sister or parents. I told him I had no choice but to call the police unless he told me he wasn’t going to die by suicide. He repeatedly ignored that, so I called them, and they visited him. He rang me after they left and said he hadn’t hurt himself and wasn’t planning to.
I feel sad, relieved, angry, manipulated, helpless. Mostly sad.
I know he will get like this again at some stage. But who can help? What do I do?
Do I call his family, knowing he’ll be furious. Do I go to his house, knowing he won’t let me in. Do I call the police, who made him angry and left. Do I wait until business hours, hoping he’s bluffing, and call his GP. I had hoped CATT would do the welfare check — should I have lied on the phone and made things sound less hectic so they might have called him instead of referring to the cops? Could I have asked CATT to call my partner anyway?
My partner is furious with me for calling the police and says he will now never trust me again. Any help or advice for how to have a better outcome next time he’s this heightened would be really appreciated. Thank you.
