Tired of fighting for scraps

Hey @Evren glad you decided on a 'take 2'. Sounds like you've been fighting so hard and it makes sense to feel a bit defeated when things are still so hard.

I can totally relate to that feeling of like, someone takes note of how hard I've been fighting or how resilient I am for pushing through and it's like... why do I have to be resilient though? Why do I need to exhaust myself just to get to a level of basic functionality? There is no where near enough acknowledgement of how our environments and contexts can impact our mental health just as much as the internal factors.

It sounds like you're doing your best to stay afloat, and I think it's very okay to be upset or angry at how hard it is - especially when it comes to poor treatment from RE agents, or your GP, or from your mother. I don't have any easy answers for you, but I do hope that finding some connection and solidarity from folks here on the forums can be helpful for you.

What do you think you're looking for here? Or to rephrase, what does support look like for you?

Hi @Evren

I'm so glad that you took the time and effort to write and post take two.

It sounds like there are a lot of things you are having to deal with at the moment, and I can understand how relentless the uphill battle can feel when you've been fighting for such a long time.

I couldn't have worded what @Jynx said better myself about the lack of understanding from others about how even the smallest little thing can impact our mental health, and the lack of acknowledgement of the battle that can be everyday life some days. I'm sorry to hear that this is coming from multiple directions for you.

Its good to hear that you have the library where you are more relaxed and productive. Are you able to visit often?

Warm regards

SkySeeker22

Hi @Jynx and @SkySeeker22 , thank you for both your replies. I appreciate the support.

I forgot to clarify that, beyond that statement about pushing through, the visit to my friend was rejuvinating. We spoke about many of these topics and shared struggles. And while I took it as a real compliment, it also reminded me of how utterly tired I am.

@SkySeeker22I've been going to the library every day for a week now, and I intend to keep it up. A small respite.

@Jynxideally I'd be looking for hugs, but that's not quite a digital space thing, right? 😂 At my lowest I just need to vent, and I came to these forums because people here seem to come from all walks of life. Without needing answers per se, I want to hear people's experiences with getting through similar difficulties so I don't feel like I'm imagining things and losing my mind. Probably the worst thing would be to tell me to look at the bright side of things, because I grew up in a family that only insisted on pushing past emotions.

I haven't had a chance to browse the rest of the forums yet, so any pointers or a post where to get started would help a lot.

@Evren I mean the best I can offer is the idea of hugs? I would 1000% hug you if we were in the same room! We got emojis though!🫂💜🫂

Totally get you, having that reassurance that we're not alone can go a very long way. As for a place to start - well we got some Tips & Tricks, which also gives a little intro into each of the main 'spaces' (e.g. Our Stories, Something's Not Right, etc.), and there's a list of our Social Spaces here. If you like memes you can head to the Ice-Memery and for sharing ideas for healing, we've got the Toolshed.

Any other topics you'd be keen on? Any other questions to ask, or pointers you might need? Lemme know!

So sorry for my late reply @Jynx, I really appreciated those hugs when you sent them through. I felt it. ❤️

I will take a look at those and browse, thank you.

As an update on my situation: I finally moved out and while I've had to turn to freelancing instead of employment (nothing was catching, and there's the government business program I can make use of), it's kind of incredible how much a better space can help your state of mind! All my therapeutic exercises I do at home finally can help me heal, not just cope with a bad situation.

My bouts of depression are still bad when they come, but after each I tend to learn something new. A CBT technique (like doing the opposite of what we first think) that finally works after all the emotional baggage has been processed, or understaning the point of daily gratefulness without being bitter about it. And there are fears around financial stability in the long run and dread of returning back to my parents if things don't work out, but I'm learning to calm those too.

I will probably still come back here with new topics because improvement isn't linear, but I appreciate this space. Sharing it all this raw made a difference for me. 🙂

This is really amazing to read @Evren thank you so much for sharing! Yeah you are so right, our environment makes such a huge difference to how well we can cope (and how effective that coping will be) - going from just surviving to seeing improvement can be such a trip sometimes, but it's also sooo nice when we can actually feel ourselves making progress hey. And kudos for taking the time to look for the lessons too, not always easy to do!

Yeah for sure, we'd love you to stick around as long as it suits you, regardless of where you're at in your recovery! In my experience, just as sharing the dark stuff makes it a bit lighter, sharing our successes seems to make them feel more solid. Or it does for me anyway 😉