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Lost it

Brkn_soulNew Contributor05 Jan 2017, 10:06 am AEDT

Lost it

So I've just trashed the kitchen 😔 I don't wanna come out the laundry now. No one understands, people get in my face over and over and over and I can't deal with it. I'm not an angry person I maybe very negative at times but it's all the truth. I feel like I have no fight left. I have no family to turn to no one talks to me. No one helped me, I knew something was wrong so I went and seeked help myself by myself. It was hard but I did it and now I know I'm a BPD sufferer, I have PTSD from being sexually abused from my father at 4, I have 5 siblings that all knew and done nothing about it all at least 2 decades older then I. And I have still copped shit from them, so I walked away. It was my life I had to push out the poison ones and I seen it before I even knew what was wrong with me. I've seen it my whole life, bullshit people, fake people, liars I can't stand it. I've lost it this morning really bad, I'm trying to get better but how can I it's so hard. I'm 31 years old and falling apart at the seems. Ever watch Ali Wong on Netflix. "Im 33 years old and I need to turn this shit around, how do I turn this shit around" I feel like I've tried everything. No matter how nice I am I get shit and I can't handle it. What do you do to keep alive? Please?

3 replies

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In response to: Lost it

Unknown userMember05 Jan 2017, 11:22 am AEDT

Re: Lost it

Hello @Brkn_soul,

A very big warm welcome to the forums, thank you for sharing with us.

It sounds like there is a lot going on at the moment and you are not coping too well. You have made some really hard decisions in your life to surround yourself with more positive influences which you should be really proud of.

What kind of support do you have for yourself at the moment with your BPD and PTSD symptoms? Are you linked in with a specialist or good GP/Psychologist?

Has some thing happened recently to trigger this behaviour of trashing the kitchen? Are you in danger of hurting yourself?

We are here to chat if you think that will help you feel more calm, there is also the SANE Helpline 1800 18 7263 and Lifeline 13 11 14 if you would like to chat over the phone?

Here for you,

Lunar

In response to: Lost it

Unknown userMember05 Jan 2017, 3:47 pm AEDT

Re: Lost it

Brkn_soul
A lot of us are in similar places to you and I have the similar feelings , including feeling like I have nothing to give,not feeling "safe" due to the catastrophic thinking and hopelessness inside my head.I was sexually assaulted at 16 ,I can imagine the impact that has had on your life.I can relate as well to pushing toxic people away.I'm very hard on myself,and sounds like you are as well.The last few sentences,I look at and they are my words about me.I have no answers,as I have been through counseling,all I can say is through your actions of trashing the kitchen etc ,you probably need to do what Lunar suggest.My frustrations at my life turn to anger,is that like it for you?.We can destroy ourselves,like I have through bitterness,and way we feel so weak.Hang in there that's all we can do,when you feel the way you did this morning have a plan in place to keep you safe,mine is sleeping or reading a book to divert the thoughts, or going for a walk.

In response to: Lost it

utopiaSenior Contributor05 Jan 2017, 10:05 pm AEDT

Re: Lost it

@Brkn_soul. Thank you for writing part of your story here.
I can hear and feel the frustration and devastation you must feel.
I'm sorry you went through such trauma as a young child. It was not your fault and you didn't deserve any of it.
Do you have a psychiatrist, a psychologist or a gp you are seeing? If so, call them tomorrow and let them know you are in crisis and need help straight away. They will be able to help you through this period and get you to a calmer state. Once there, then you can start working a bit more on your trauma and your mental health. But for now its important to move you through this mood, these feelings.
Is there someone else in the house with you? Maybe they can sit down with you and talk. Or you could call LifeLine and speak to someone there.
If you are not feeling safe within yourself, please go to the Emergency Dept of your hospital. They will be able to get the Mental Health Team to come and talk with you and keep you safe.
This is just a temporary moment. It will pass. There will be better days.
You have reached out here. Please reach a little further and call LifeLine or your mental health support.
You are not alone. I'm here for you.
Please let me know how you get on.

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