TW: Dv and sexual abuse low self esteem and sadness

@Cocoloco

First of all, it is great that you mentioned the person was your ex. That means that person is out of your life. Good. You are going thru the motions of trauma. We are wired for connection as a species but trauma rewires the brain for protection. The role of the brain is not to keep you happy it is to keep you safe. Have a look at the Toolshed and you will find lots of us have been through what you have been thru and are sharing our wisdom. There is nothing wrong with you. There is something wrong with the person that did this to you.

https://arcvic.saneforums.org/t5/Looking-after-ourselves/The-Toolshed/td-p/1351491

Hi @Cocoloco

Thank you very much for trusting me with your story. It takes a strong and emotionally-aware person to acknowledge their areas of vulnerability, and to share these with others.

From what I have read, you have sound reasons to be disappointed in some of your personal interactions. That said, there are many kind, thoughtful, and loving people in the world, who would cherish having you as a friend.

While obviously a resilient and courageous person, I'm wondering if you have discussed your concerns with someone outside of your family system. A person with similar lived experience, might be a useful start.

Lastly, you have consistently shown you can 'fight the good fight' - a trait which you should be extremely proud of.

Hi @Cocoloco I'm sorry to read of all the struggles you've been going through! Echoing what others have said I'm so glad your ex is your ex but it is natural to feel depressed, sluggished, disconnected afterwards! Your body has learned to always be on edge so no longer having high highs and lows really does a number on you.

Do you think you do anything that could be perceived as toxic? Have you tried to consult your friends?

Hey. I think it’s I get paranoid after being abused so bad. I miss the old me. It’s hard. I feel sad as if I fail people. Though it’s often people that say these things that are mean.

true people actually say I am needing boundaries.I take responsibility and I am always too perfectionistic

that’s wrong. I say sorry. That’s good. Though often people just vent at me. They use me and lie. I hate that

i cut it off now. It’s a new day. I let myself free. I used to say it’s okay. Over work myself. Then resent. That was bad. Now no

I need to also sort out the whys more. I went through a host of let downs. All true. It’s not okay. My friends say I am good.

I don’t think many so called friends realise they are acquaintances. That’s the funny thing. They don’t have the right heart

Also to add I was never toxic

just sad. I take responsibility. There for everyone. I am human though thoroughly judged

DV is awful. Degrading. I fearful until this day. I dissociated hard. Paranoid is frequent. I loose my sight and occasionally fall on tool of my physical disability

I have so many issues. Not well undetstiod. I sit alone. I may have brain damage. I used to be clever. Now ouch!

Today is hard. Most think I am just good.

I’ve done good. Still do. I am kind. my heart is huge. That’s why I got the dv

manipulated. With autism I can’t read stuff

I am okay though I will help the world get safer. Though need to get strong first. Trauma is all I’ve ever known

Thank you. I feel I should. It’s been difficult. I love everyone and can’t hate. It’s an issue that’s been bugging me

i would like to have hop and for my kids

I get easily confused

I would love to find people to walk along side with and we can make it easier for each other