BPD - Attachment Issues

Hi @Yiska

I so had to reply to you. I am suffering exactly what you are suffering including childhood abuse. I struggle with attachment issues and being abandoned. My therapist that I had for 5 yrs decided in Sept last year that he could no longer help me, boy was that a blow to my mind. i sobbed and sobbed, fearing abandonment, rejection, hate etc etc. I then had to find another psychologist. I did find one who i think will be really good, more specific to my needs and is a female. But at the back of my head i am scared that she will too leave me one day.

I have actually told this new therpaist my fears and we are working on that. It is hard because we become so comfortable with that person that we tell them everything, i know i did. i told him so much personal and privagte stuff that not even my husband knows.

I think it would be a good idea to bring it up with your current psychologist. Let them know how you feel about that happening (if it ever happened again) and try and work on it.

I so much know what you mean and where you're coming from..

Take care, happy to chat again. There are so many beautiful on this forum that i am sure will give you some advice and support as well.

Hello @Yiska, welcome to the forums!

It's great you have come on here to get some extra support for yourself 🙂 You have a lot of insight as to how you are quite dependant on your relationship with your Psychologist and how that puts a lot of pressure on that relationship if it is the only one you have at the moment.

I think what @BlueBay said is very helpful, perhaps in your upcoming sessions you could start focusing on ways you can start to build relationships with other people in your life. Even if you are not close to them at first but over time this connection will build, just like it has with your previous therapists and you will build a close bond.

Try to just take small steps, like having a coffee here and there, doing some hobbies with people and then over time you will find someone you click with. I think lots of people struggle with this, it's really hard opening up to new people but sometimes it's about taking that risk in the chance the relationship will be a good one.

I know this is related to love but it rings true to relationships in general I think-

"It's better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all"

I hope you had some nice time to yourself over the holidays

Hello @Yiska,

What you have just wrote is so interesting to me, you mentioned that you have overcome your social anxiety and now manage to go out into public, and although you have anxiety you can manage it a lot better, that's really impressive.

You also wrote that you have an old habit which is a pattern of negative thoughts around judgement and people not liking you, it would be really helpful for you to challenge these thoughts in your sessions and how they are not helpful in social situations but also quite normal as most people are also thinking this in a social situation, it can be a positive to feel like this and come across as down to earth, rather than thinking you are amazing which can be seen as arrogant.

It seems you have also experienced some bad relationships in the past which is causing conflict in you making new friends, that could be worth discussing as well 🙂

It's great you have all of this personal insight and wanting to keep trying, that can be the hardest part in self-change and you have already done that, well done

Lunar

Hello @Yiska. You have over come alot, well done. The advise that @BlueBay and @Former-Member have suggested are great things.

Would it help at your next session to have a list of the things you wish to talk about and ask if within that session you discuss these items and ways that would help you work through them.

Keep up the great work and keep chatting with us.

Take care.

Hi, I understand where your at and have been their for a long time, got no answers still looking myself but this helps

Hi @Yiska, I understand your concern about being so attached to your therapist and also your concern about abandonement. I have experienced the effects of Complex PTSD and I found it very difficult to contemplate ever being able to manage my life without my therapists being a part of it. I have had about 10 years of therapy and how I understand my attachment and abandonment issues, is that because I had such a traumatic childhood, I had never properly reached developmental milestones.....its like I had child parts of myself still frozen in traumatic memories and feelings. Therapy and the connection with my therapists gave me the opportunity and experience of going through the developmental stages that I had previously not experienced. It was like 'growing up' in therapy. I still have therapy but my fear of abandonment is very minimal now and I don't see my therapists anywhere near as often as I used to. It took a lot of emotional work and a long time, but I am in a much better place now.

I hope you can continue to work with your therapist and experience the benefits as I did. A good therapist who understands trauma should be able to understand your concerns. Good luck. I know how very difficult it can be.

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