Living with Delusional Disorder - Schizophrenia

Hey @JPEG1998 ,

There's certainly a lot in your post. I'm sorry you had to endure all of that for many years. I can see how what happened at school has eally affected you up until this day.

I sense that there is a longing for things to be 'normal'. What does 'normal' look like to you?

I always felt I wanted to be 'normal', and when I was well on my recovery journey, I realised that my sense of 'normal' reallly changed because what I thought was normal was not actually normal, and there was an even better sort of normal!

Hence my question, what does normal look like to you?

Do you have supports you can talk to about the thoughts you are having?

Hey @JPEG1998, thanks for sharing this. I can't imagine this is a easy thing to live with and you've articulated everything really well.

I just wanted to say I can relate to this a lot, especially the part about being on the decline intellectually. For me it's a part of my disorder and also the medications I take to control it. I spent a long time mourning that person who used to be so bright, bubbly and intelligent, who now struggles sometimes with basic word recall and can't remember what she had for breakfast. It took some coming to terms with but also the realisation that I was being too hard on myself, like I had been my whole life.

I was also heavily bullied in school for my appearance so a lot of my self worth come from being intelligent and high achieving, like it was the one thing I could pride myself on. I have a feeling you might be able to relate to that. For what it's worth there is so much more to value in people than looks or smarts. In life, over time, both of those things will fade for most people, even "normal" people don't come out unscathed. This realisation allowed me to focus on and strengthen other aspects of myself.

I have found happiness and a bright future in being abnormal if that helps?

I hope you get answers about your breathing problems, and pursuing disability payments might give you some space to relax and focus on yourself without the stress of having to find work or maintain employment, it sounds like you really don't need that right now. You could always do further study, part time work or volunteer in the future.

Hi there Honey5,

We wanted to take this opportunity to welcome you to the forums.

We hope that you find the forums a great place to connect with other members, share stories and ideas, and find the support and connection you deserve.

Feel free to Introduce yourself here if you haven’t already!

We look forward to seeing you around on the forums!

Hi @MermaidHair , @Honey5 and @tyme ,

I just want to start by THANKING YOU ALL for helping me get out of yet another frustrating, suicidal episode. I have to admit, I am glad that I reached out to SANE and didn't act on anything.

I think that I should mention that I will bee seeking support from a new psychiatrist (as of next week), although she is a psychiatrist in training, meaning that she will rotate in six month's time (along with other psychiatrists in the mental health clinic), which is a bit frustrating. Another thing that has been frustrating me is that my care coordinator and social worker is moving on to another role in a couple of week's time. She has been a brilliant care coordinator to me. So that is a real shame. Unfortunately, there is no reliability in the public health system. I am also receiving support from an NDIS funded company, and I am trying to get the NDIS for the third time now, so that I can actually receive support from this particular company.

I apologise for not responding to people's replies to my posts. It takes a great amount of energy to respond to you all - and this not only tires me out, but I find it to be overwhelming too. I am not sure if that is part of my Schizophrenia diagnosis or not. I feel that my Schizophrenia diagnosis was brought on from ongoing bullying in high school, and then the trauma that I faced with this particular man. I wish I could expose him, but that would be against the law (from my understanding). And there would be no point in getting into further trouble with the police again. I just can't be bothered with it all. I don't have a good rapport with the police, as they have discriminated against me for my mental health condition and possibly due to my cultural background, too.

I will get to responding to the comments on my other post now.

Take care, y'all 💕

We are glad to have you with us @JPEG1998

You mean a lot to all of us. We recognise you are going through a lot at the moment and there is a lot of rumination going on.

That's why we are here - hopefully, that vicious cycle of thinking can break at some point.

The darkness is a place many of us here have been before - including myself.

We are glad you are here 🙂

How are you today @JPEG1998 ?