Husband has a gambling addiction

Hi,

I am new to this forum but wanted to reach out for some advice please.

I've been married to my husband who has a serious gambling addiction for the 18 years we have been together.

Although i work fulltime i am still reliant on his wages as now pays the rent and has been the past 11 months.

We have 4 children, eldest 17years and the youngest will be 12 this year. I have asked him on several occasions to leave but he refuses. I don't have anywhere to go to with the children and although he pays the rent, because of his gambling addiction i feel it is right that he should be the one to leave.

I am in so much debt having to provide for the children and struggling to make ends meet because of his addiction.

I am soo tired and soo drained mentally....I am no longer in love with him and have fallen out of love for quite some time now. Everyday after work, i make the children's dinner and i would stay in bed until the next morning. Constant fatigue probably from being depressed. So much negativity has happened within our family due to his addiction. I have been playing the role of a mother and a father to all four of our children since our eldest was 6 months. My husband has a temper issue and has been very abusive mentally and quite controlling, obsessive, jealous, insecure and very toxic.

I have not spoken about my mental state to anyone nor to my family. I do not want to burden them with my problems. I am the eldest girl in my family and all my life i have been the responsible child having to cater for my families wants/needs. I am the person my family (grandparents, parents, siblings) are reliant on for just about everything. I have always catered for not only my children but for my extended family always....I am just tired....Even as i am writing this (at work) i am trying to hold my tears....i do not even know if i will post this...just knowing that someone will read this gives me a sense of being heard....I am not looking for pity.....just someone to talk to....

I work in Melbourne Health and will reach out to EAP counselling today after work....I was looking online for free counselling as i cannot afford to pay for professional counselling.

There is so much i would like to share about what i have experienced or still experiencing in this toxic marriage....I wish it was that easy to just get up and go with the kids....

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