Severely depressed and anxious.

Hi @AVM ,

I'm sorry to hear about your situation! It sounds like it would be very stressful and quite complicated to manage.

I can't offer any advice on this, but I'm wondering if there's anything you can do tonight to manage some of these difficult emotions. What do you do for self care?

- PrincessLettuce

Hi @AVM

Im sorry things are so difficult for you at the moment. I too am a single mum in my 40s and understand how hard it is to take care of ourselves when we don’t have a lot of support.
It makes me sad that you would have to pay your husband to basically look after his own kids. Im not sure what I would have to do in your situation, my daughter and I live with my mum and she always just cares for her when I have had to go into hospital- I’ve never told my ex the real reason for admissions. He just knows I am unwell.

if you have private health insurance and a private mental health admission is an option for you, I would certainly do that. I don’t have private health, so all my admission are public (except for one when I was offered a spot at a private clinic as a public funded patient to do ECT) Private was heaps better. Nicer place obviously. We did groups every morning and then there were activities in the afternoon. I think generally a stay is for 3 weeks. But if private is not an option and you feel you need an admission don’t rule out the public system if you need it. There is nothing stopping you from presenting to the ED and asking for help. Tell them you need to stay for your own safety. It just takes time.

I know the wait to see a psychiatrist at the moment is ridiculous. It’s the sad state of our mental health system. But in the mean time Id really encourage you to find a regular gp. Mine is amazing and helps so much. If you’re on FB and on local community notice boards, I’ve always found that as a great way to ask for suggestions for gps. People are generally more than happy to offer suggestions. Can you continue to see the psychologist?

No my ex husband is great but he would have to take time off work so that's why I would have to pay him. Because he can't afford it.

Honestly it's not working out with the psychologist. She says she's an ACT, DBT and EMDR specialist but in our 8 sessions all she's done is sympathise and I get the feeling she doesn't really feel like she can help me. I think it had made me worse.

At the moment I just feel beyond the capacity to find new carers. I'm in a permanent state of panic. My heart rate is constantly racing. That's part of the reason I want to go to hospital, so that the care will all be there.

But I'm worried about everything. I don't respond well to sleep aids, they make me feel gross the next day and the usual one gives me bad dreams, but I'm struggling to sleep and I'm scared that trying to sleep at hospital would be awful.

It's all just too much.

My self care is pretty non existent now. I've reached a point where I hardly leave the house. I don't have the luxury of relaxation or enjoyment. I feel constantly sick and my heart hasn't stopped racing for over a month.

Hey @AVM ,

I'm hearing you. I'm sorry to hear how hard your current situation is.

I wonder if you can speak to your treating team about what other options there are for your children? Surely single mothers deserve support too. I wonder if there are payments you can apply for to support you at this time with the care of your children?

I think the difference between private and public is also that one is more a planned admission (private) while public is for more acute care. A planned admission allows you to consider your goals of the admission and what you want to achieve out of it. You can then work towards those goals while you are there.

Another option are prevention and recovery centres (PARCs) which is a recovery centre that allows you to go and come from the centre. It's absolutely voluntary, and there are also Women's PARCs which allow children to stay.

My mental health journey would most likely be different to yours, but even then, my PARCs stays were most profitable. I've had about 5 stays in total, each lasting 2-6 weeks. That was about 6 years ago so things may have changed now.

There is also the option for outpatient care for mothers. Someone visits or phones you each day for a certain number of weeks to help you.

Hold onto hope. It's not easy sometimes, but it's worth it.

tyme

You are not alone. Thank you for reaching out.

I don't believe I have any services like that near me. Nothing. I live in Northern nsw and I tried to find something, but there's a public hospital with only 25 beds in the emergency mental ward.

On the gold coast there are a few private mental hospitals with more beds. But I'm not encouraged by the reviews I've read.

And around Byron Bay there are a whole lot of luxury mental health retreats that cater to celebrities or the extremely wealthy. It seems like all the best psychiatrists are going to work exclusively for these retreats.

I don't know how to apply for finalising assistance. I don't have that ability. Centrelink screwed me over and I can't face them at all.

I don't even have a team of medical carers at the moment. My psychologist hasn't helped and I don't have a regular gp. That's my fault because when my mental health started to decline in May last year I stopped looking after myself. My gp really didn't help me find the help I needed and I was too overwhelmed to find a new gp. Especially when every time I tried to make an appointment I had to wait weeks to see anyone.

Now it's all too much for me to handle.

I'm very aware that this is how people slip through the system. I'm scared.

Im hearing you.

Take one step at a time and go gentle on yourself.

How old are your children?

At the same time, can you clarify what you mean by you’re scared? Is it about the admission, your children, the future?

Thank you for your support.

I'm scared how my children will cope with their mum being in hospital for 3 weeks. They are autistic (so am I) and it will be hard for them. They're 15 and 12, but very young for their ages.

It's very fortunate they can stay in their home and have their dad. It will be a lot of pressure on my ex husband. He's a good person, but he's going to have to carry a heavy load.

I'm also just scared in general. Of everything. My future is terrifying. I have to start over. I want to get well, to be a good mother instead of the shell I've been. But I'm scared of that never being possible for me.

@AVM Just want to share a quote with you: "The definition of courage isn't having no fear, it is to be fearful but do the thing anyway."

You're really brave for taking these steps toward recovery, and it's really okay to be super scared about what the future might hold. It sounds like it will be a big change for your family, but it seems like this is a moment where you are prioritising your needs. Good on you.

We'll be here to support you through it as much as you need 💜

Thank you.

It's going to be a lot. I've become almost immobile. The hospital will have me waking up much earlier than I naturally wake up and then participating in multiple programs every day, it's going to be a lot but I'm trying to remind myself that I'm doing it for my kids.

First I have to actually get to the gp tomorrow which is half an hr from my home, and get the hospital admission. I'm worried about how that will go.

I can't stop worrying and feeling a lot of shame.