whats wrong with me ?

now its snowballing ,thoughts like I guess Im not cut out to be in a relationship,Im too selfish,Maybe Im not suposed to be married ,I guess ill never be a mother now ,will he even want to talk to me later ? , just pass the time ,guess Ive ruined the whole relationship we have ,is this self sabotage ? just whats wrong with me ,can someone plaease tell me ehats wrong with me so I can fix myself?

@LostAngel I'm sorry to hear that things are so intense for you right now. I don't think that there's something wrong with you, you're a human who has been through hardships and difficult traumas that means that it can be that much harder to be in relationships. Is there something that's happened that you feel you need to get off your chest?

hi @Jynx thanks for being here , Ive tried journaling ,and watching a movie to distract I think its alot of self blame , did anything happen ,Im not liking myself im not liking being angry at those I love ,Hope he still talks to me,hope family forgives me for the yelling at them , in general I dont think Im doing enough with my life currently and just a bit lost to be honest Im trying my usual coping strategies and its helping a little ,on reflection i dont like my current attitude,or my current inadicucy to acheive things,life feels mundane,get up go to bed repeat ,too much time alone prehaps but I dont know just that lost feeling like theres nonen around for you but you somehow have to be there for yourself ,feeling lost is making me angry and alone

Hey @LostAngel

Do you feel tense in your shoulders and neck? are you upset because you want to be different but you are who you are so you are frustrated at yourself because it seems so difficult to change?

If so, the first thing your going to need to do is be kind to yourself. It sounds like you might be unleashing on everyone because you can't tell yourself off enough and it's spilling over. What is something you can do to feel good about yourself? Go for a swim?

@Jynx and @AussieRecharger hello again I guess your a little bit coreect with the spilling over sense of things , and strangely Ive only allowed myself to realise today that I need to be kind to myself and that would then also help with kindness to others ,also a good point about what can I do to make myself feel good or at least better it seems to be doing something usefull or productive is the most helpfull today ,may organise or rearrange something , a swim would be good lol but no beaches quite close enough for that but thank you for the suggestion ,also found myself just needing to realese things through having a good old cry ,but kindness yes that must be paramount so I can show that kindness to others around me ,so Ill try to do a few small productive things today to help get back to normalcy one foot in front of the other,possibly a walk rather than a swim ,organise something or rearrange something around the house,books or clothes or something basic,just to feel productive ,maybe ill start with some small goals for the week ,or try doing one or two things ive been putting off thank you both for being here

@LostAngel -
Keep us posted.. Don't worry about the destination, just focus on the next part of the journey.

@AussieRecharger thats one of best pieces of advice Ive heard thank you ,also thank you @Jynx for also being here to listen and support, I have to say its so true that I dont know what the destination is at the moment but you know what I dont have to know that cause the Journey is so important ,the small steps are important and all I have to focus on ,as for an update yesterday I found myself literally spilling over with tears,and decided to spend the afternoon listening to soothing music and it helped,your support here on the forums also helps, something good happend today as strange as it seems to me there was glimmor of hope after some small steps of applying for a volunteer position and giving them a phonecall Ive now gotten a volunteering role which seems so far to be suitable ,strange how one day your crying from absolute frustration at yourself to the next getting out your comfort zone as so dam difficult as it was today and it actually paid off ,I still dont know where Im going emotionally or mentally from one day till the next but today was an improvement despite the anxiety of doing so and the nerves of putting myself out there ,this seems part of possibly a new journey but Im still taking one day at a time