Things are unravelling for me, fast. I don't know what to do

Hey there @Jlol

I am so sorry that you're having such a tough time at the moment, but I am so thankful that you have reached out on here for some support.

Is there a friend or other family member that you could stay with in the mean time? Or do you currently have any other supports (formal or informal) that might be able to be there for you in this time or be of any help?

You're not alone,

I'm sitting with you

Thanks @amber22, no I don't have any supports. I'm a man and that is frowned upon for some stupid reason. Eg I mentioned to someone that I had been in hospital - they didn't even ask why or if I was ok.

No one cares about me. No where to go. No one to talk to. Not wanted. Unnecessary.

F### life, man!

Oh gosh that's awful @Jlol I'm sorry to hear that. How incredibly invalidating. I know it is that much harder for men to be heard and actually get the support they need when they ask for it. I'm sorry that it's been so hard for you to get the support you need.

I don't have much in the way of ideas, but thought maybe you could chat to Mensline? And for housing, have you looked into Launch at all? Even if they can't help, perhaps they can point you in the right direction.

One step at a time mate, we're here for you in whatever way we can be 💜

So it gets worse....

I learnt through my lawyer that the longer I am not living in our apartment the more claim she has to it.

This even though:

• I still pay more towards the mortgage than she does
• I still pay my share of bills even though I'm not living there
• A lot of my belongings are still there
• She was abusive towards me - I left on the advice of a DV advice line who said I was experiencing a form of domestic violence
• I have spent some time in a mental health hospital unable to do, well, anything whilst there
• I have been battling bad mental health and suicidal ideation and have needed to put my own health first for a while

This is very, very unjust. Again, f#$k life.

I am so sorry to hear that @Jlol

That sounds so tough. Are you currently talking to anyone about this or is there anyone that could support you through this?

You're not alone at all, I'm here to listen always

You're doing so well

Sorry to hear all this which unfortunately is very similar to my situation. I'm not a lawyer but have spent the last year learning about my rights and options in this context. Your legal advice sounds off:
- I believe if you're not living there you should not be paying bills, besides the mortgage servicing your shared asset.
- The total length of cohabitation may impact respective claims in settlement proceedings, but not how long she is there, after you were psychologically forced out (also familiar to me).
- She must allow you access to your belongings, given reasonable notice etc.
- She may well be obliged to pay you spousal maintenance, given that you now have to pay to live somewhere else and she is benefiting from your past and ongoing mortgage payments. This would probably depend on each of your available resources. If she refuses to discuss or provide anything, you can get an urgent court order, which you can also do to put the place on the market.

Hopefully reason will prevail and you may be able to work out something to avoid all this, as it will probably further strain the relationship. Family Dispute Resolution mediators are there to help avoid unnecessary and very costly court action (average $50-100K per person). The courts require that you make a decent attempt to use mediation before applying for formal proceedings.

I hope this helps a little bit. You're absolutely right to put your own health and wellbeing first. Best wishes.

Thanks @Nix61, appreciated