Hi @PileDinners and welcome to the forums. I'm glad you've found us.
I'm sorry to hear that things are so challenging for you at the moment. It sounds like you're really struggling with your emotions at the moment, and your mum is getting caught in the crossfire. I hear that you do really love your mum, and so you're worried about what's been happening and how you've been treating her. I think it takes a lot of strength and courage to be able to admit that something might be wrong, so kudos to you.
If you are ever worried about your, or your mum's safety, please don't hesitate to call 000.
Having experiences like yours can sometimes be part of psychosis. I'm no psych so I can't do any diagnosing for you, but you can have a read through our Fact Sheet if you want some more info. This info sheet might be handy for your mum, too. I can imagine it's pretty scary to be going through this, so I'm really glad that you're reaching out for some support. You don't deserve to be alone in this.
The easiest way to start getting some help is to see your GP and ask for a mental health care plan. You would have to tell them a bit about whats been going on, and they should give you a referral to a psychologist. You can also use databases like this one and this one to search for therapists in your area - it might be useful as you can narrow your search by location and specialisation. As for hospitals, I believe if you were to walk into the ED dept and let them know what's going on, you might be seen. Typically they are there for moments of crisis or emergency, but if you're worried about hurting yourself or hurting your mum, that would definitely constitute a crisis. You can also contact your local Crisis and Assessment Team - they deal with mental health crises and triage, and can let you know what the best course of action might be. You can find a list of CATT numbers here.
You and your mum don't need to go through this alone. You are more than welcome to contact our support line if you ever want to chat, and your mum can call us too if she wants - it can be really helpful having someone to talk to. Buzz us on 1800 187 263 (Mon-Fri, 10am-10pm).
