i cannot control my thoughts anymore

for a while now i am worried that i might have bpd. though i dont have a professional diagnosis my gp has decided to give me mood stabilizers and its been a great help this past month. a few days ago i accidentally skipped my meds for a day and ended up splitting on someone i love. this is my first time ever displaying these emotions towards other people because often times i would be able to keep it in me, but not this time. i feel extremely guilty of how i acted, and now i wished i hadn't said the things that ive said. i had a full blown meltdown yesterday and had to call a helpline because i felt like i was a danger to myself. i wish i wasn't like this, its so tiring living everyday feeling like i'm going to explode anytime