BastSenior Contributor
On being OK and needing support
Hi lovely people
I am OK still however I am distinctly threatened and experiencing the ordinary thing 'fragile.' I am still clinging to the parts of me that still matter - although the fingernails are breaking on the cliff top. For me I am becoming afraid, the horrible stuff from this year is still a stong part of the circus that is my mind. I have survived multiple attempts, been subjected to being 'locked up' in the degradation of acute MH so called care, informed of a dreadful diagnosis BPD, MD and Anxiety and somehow sat through a psychiatrist assessment with my husband present as requested. I am writing to endeavour to ;slow down the circus; and ease my fears.
In brief - the last session was pretty ghastly, my husband spent the time in the waiting room in the usual PA mode, incommunicado, arms crossed and distain evident on his face.
The session subsequently included an untrue accusation: I could not be trusted with medications, the husband would have to dispense same, I had ceased my AD's and therefore became actively ......S and the overall disparagement that I am simply a BPD and ETOH abuser. It is interesting to note how strongly Psychiatrists will defend each other. The Psych was referring to a note in the d/c summary - how supportively I was restarted on my meds. The reality is - with the admissions, including treatment for my - bleed out session, I recieved no meds for over a fortnight. From a 250mg dose to nothing took a toll.I had to beg for meidations not to mention toilet roll! I uphold integrity as my highest value and the accusations and dismissive approach from the Psychiatrist are indeed painful. It is horribly true when you are diagnosed as a BPD and substance abuser that stigma will ensue.
I have decided to attend again although fearful as avoidance will only increase the 'circus' festering. I have also contended with the receptionist informing me of change to an appointment that supposedly I had requested. .................WOW people can be interesting at times. I have made notes to collect my 'circus' thoughts and will do the best that I can to contend with the dreaded session on Monday.
However.......I am still afraid. I hope that amongst all who may read this some support and ideas to care for me will be provided.
Lotsa luv
Bast
