Hey there @_Aurora_ ,
Good on you for reaching out. You've shown a lot of strength and courage. We recognise things are not easy for you now, and sitting with these thoughts can be quite unpleasant.
I live with chronic suicidal ideation due to my mental health condition. However, I have no intention to act. I am safe. I have such an incredible life, yet I still have these thoughts? Why? I really don't know. But I was told they are here to stay... let's just say, I'm better at putting these thoughts in the back of my mind rather than have the in the forefront stage....
Yet it wasn't always like that. I've been through very very dark times, and somehow I pulled through. When I had no strength left, the system carried me through for which I am very grateful.
It IS hard now @_Aurora_ - I hear that. Yet you are here for a reason.
I'll also send you a check-in email.