TazziCasual Contributor
The battle continues....
I have suffered and battled since I was a kid with my depression and anxiety.
It feels like riding waves, at times it can go along somewhat smoothly and other times it all crashes down around you.
The last year has been the hardest of my whole life, although looked like and probably should have been the best.
I have since ceased work as I was unable to go, this has never happened before in my life. I feel like a complete failure.
Although I feel the worst has past for now, Christmas is coming up and it's likely to crash back down again.
I feel constantly in my stomach something is wrong, something bad will happen, that I don't deserve anything, I fail others, I'm not good enough, everyone hates and judges me.
The only place I want to be is in bed. I am doing everything I can to just get up each morning, which is improving as for a few months I barely did. I started on a new medication which is helping to ease some of symptoms.
I feel so much guilt and shame for not feeling as greatful and lucky for what I have as i should. Why isn't it enough? Why am I not enough?
I am so scared to try to connect with others, I fear rejection and judgement so much I don't let anyone close enough to give them the chance. I have no friends as a result however I have started to now push my family away too.
I guess my goal for joining is to try to connect with others and push past my fear of judgement and prevent myself from isolating myself too much from the outside world