Day Dreamer; Night Wanderer

Hi @deshift

You sound like you've lived a challenging but interesting life so far. Good on you for getting through the best you can. I'm fascinated with dreams. I recently read a book about lucid dreaming. I find it all really interesting.

I hope to see you around!

Hanami

I generally don't ascribe to anything scientific, though I am well versed in its rhetoric. Copenhagen is a bane to honest intellectual thought, and the mainstream education and research system is inherently corrupt.

I did ask that maybe if people believe dreams are an extension of the mind, or that we explore our days events and process them at night, then they leave those opinions for another thread.

I walk the realms most other nights, and the natural laws of existence differ there than here. You can travel there if you have the means. It is a place that my conscious mind interacts with via whatever means, it is external to the vessel I reside in during my waking hours.

I want to say something here, but maybe it can wait. I hate being ambiguous, but the posts above in this thread have unsettled me, and I don't want to portray something I will regret later. There is a reason I have support for a psychosocial disability and I want this thread to be about adaptive behaviour that I show to myself, instead of maladaptive reactions I show to others.

Awesome (sarcasm)

4 replies in, and my thread is a mess. It's really making my obsession for clean and simple communication reach levels of discomfort I suppose I came here for. It reminds me of the foul mess my cat hocked up at 5am, awoke me, which I then proceeded to step in as I fumbled for the light switch. Ironically, I dreamed about that which was a warning only yesterday, and I could not figure out what I needed a warning for.

😔
deshift

@hanami

Hello!

Thanks for your reply! Which book are you referring to? I find a lot of the "experts" on the internet at least, are not in line with the esoteric established notions of dreaming, and the impact that it has on our waking lives.

Have you tried lucid dreaming before? Were you successful?

😁
deshift

I'm trying really hard. Some days, trying is all I can do. I force myself to do things I know are healthy, and you fake it until you make it. Eventually you do things effortlessly for a while, and your time is pleasant. You enjoy your own company, and you get lots of stuff done. But today, I just hope I can play a few rounds of PGA Tour on my Xbox.

😎
deshift

Probably the main reason I jumped into these forums, is because I started to feel pretty lonely. Recently I attempted to reconnect with 2 people from my immediate past, when I was logging into my non-existent Facebook account to switch off the stupid email notifications it kept sending me.

For a little context, last year I got hacked completely. Everything was intruded or turned into oversized paperweights. I only made a Facebook account again to go out to local events. I didn't have any friends on there, except for my sister, who lives overseas. So when I logged in to switch off the emails, I had one message from a guy I met in hospital 5 years ago, and one from an ex girlfriend. The friend lasted an intense 6 days before I blocked them from within the safe confines of the UMHCC, and my ex about 3 weeks of her lying constantly and deceitfully buttering me up for the dark lord only knows why. I tried to set boundaries and she over-reacted, the next day I let her know her behaviour is socially unacceptable, and dangerous. She is completely vile and undesirable to me now, and I am finally over the intense feelings I had for her.

But these interactions has left me in a sorry state. I have support workers visit almost daily, but it isn't the same. I'm barely avoiding eating sugar and caffeine, and I'm counting the hours until I can get my SW to take me to ALDI to get cheap, healthy snacks.

So, please say hi, or leave a supportive thumbs up, it really brightens my day that I'm not all alone.

😕
deshift

Hey @deshift ,

Welcome to the forums. Thanks for sharing. It's great you have found us.

Loneliness is hard. It gives you time to ruminate on unhelpful thoughts. I hear you have social workers, but it's not the same. By connecting on the forums, I hope you gain some connection and a sense of belonging.

See you around!

I don't want to talk about recovery, but I should. I'm doing better than I was before, that's the literal definition of recovery. But, as I like to tell some very clinical minded people, it's not just about feeling better or doing better, or being better. Better is crap. When all you focus on is being better, you hate yourself every time you end up worse. Being better is a side effect of loving yourself, and looking after yourself. And that's not just about being okay, I'm always okay. I'll be okay until I'm not okay, and when I'm not okay, I will have no f'ing clue what okay or better or "me" even is. Am I in recovery if I get unwell again? Am I recovered if I have a massive setback and make the trauma even more complicated? Is it plausible to think, hope, and aim to not let it get any worse than it has been in the past? I'm constantly in a state of recovery. My mere existence is recovering from the last moment, every moment, and my goal is to forget about how I just felt, and to feel the next moment instead. What moron in a suit sits in a fluorescent board room, and concocts these terms? How do you evaluate the effectiveness of the funding, if the "participant" consistently fails to recover? Why am I punished for having an illness that I didn't ask for? Why do I have to suffer in poverty? I didn't choose to lack any ability to concentrate on stressful tasks, or basic interpersonal relationships. I'm asked to recover, to aquiesce to mainstream ideology, and those that I've inflicted with bizarre dialogue are accepted completely for ending ties with the psychosocially sick. Where is their responsibility to recover the foundations of respect that they initially had? What a joke it is, for the muggles to expect me to recover, and sit in their f'ing towers gatekeeping anything that resembles even the remotest notion of exceptional phenomena.

😒
deshift