Blew up and left therapy mid-session. Really not doing well at all.

Sorry to hear that @Jlol . I mean yep, you really don't seem to be improving from what you are saying on the forums. So I don't know why your therapist is so blind to that. It seems quite ignorant and dismissive. And definitely must be frustrating for you. I'm not sure if I've asked you before so forgive me if I have. Do you have the ability to go to a private hospital for mental health care?

Thinking of you

Hanami

I feel I can kinda relate to this @Jlol

Especially when it comes to knowing in my brain what's good for me, in terms of basic health needs (diet, exercise, leisure, etc...) but what's the point? Unless...

Soughta need to rediscover what gives you meaning? What drives you? What goals motivate you ?

Having been in deep malaise and inertia for some time myself, I understand there may not be an expedient answer.

For now, though, I hope it might be enough for you to atleast hold the question until...

Warm thoughts your way. 🙏

Thanks @Kyle1

Soughta need to rediscover what gives you meaning? What drives you? What goals motivate you ?

I've always struggled with this. I have no answer to any of these questions, I think because I've been in a state of "just survive today" for a very long time.

How do you get your own meaning, drive and goals?

Hello @Jlol I don't know if you would be open to this but I cured my schizoaffective disorder following this healer who is a Hay House and New York Times best selling author. Have seen other people with mental illnesses providing testimony of going into remission using his breadth of knowledge.

There is online testimony of people going back to live normal lives. I have not had to see a psychiatrist in over a decade up until recently when I needed medicine management with diabetes which was caused by a psych med which I realise I can't come off after 20 years being on it.

But I have been happy for a long time with no symptoms which is a welcome change to the level of suffering I endured.

I think your clinician means well but tbh I recognise no matter how well meaning they are they are not sufficiently informed. PTSD is a complex disease which the medical profession has up until now little medical understanding of.

Please don't waste your time with these people, you have tried damn hard only to be given demoralising advice. This information had totally changed my life. You have done your best and have reached a point of exasperation but I'm telling you from what I have endured there is H-O-P-E. Countless others would tell you the same thing.

Please go here and read with an open mind. He has also written a book on mystery illnesses like PTSD:

https://www.medicalmedium.com/blog/ptsd

for me personally @Jlol ?

I held on...

When I couldn't manage that I begged and banged on doors to help me...hold on.

That looked like counsellors, meds, Sane forums and it's members, even songs...

I lolled around for a year. Lost. Confused. Still having those days sometimes.

But along the way I was able to recognise things that resonated and struck a chord in me. Values, as expressed through other people, like kindness, love, giving, sharing time, resources and heart... Put me back in touch with myself. And though it were ever so slight (for I have been so far down) I latched on to that, and don't want to let go.

So I rediscovered my meaning. It is idealistic goodness. And I have an opportunity and a means to live that outloud, as it were. To transfer the idealism into life expressed.

So, call me johnny appleseed!

I have seed to broadcast, but first I have to start taking care of myself. Coz I'm so bloody tired these days. But I am beginning to drink my water again, and lick the salt.

Who knows: may just be someone like me out there, or worse...wondering where and when the good in the world will show up for them. ? They might be counting on you and I, @Jlol ... ?

@Jlol just wanted to add doctors who follow and endorse his work think its the type of medicine thats 30 years ahead of its time. I will leave the ball in your court. Its totally your call ❤️

Hey @Jlol

Therapists are just like any other professional; not all of them are the right one for you. Sounds to me like you need to find a new one.

I've seen about 6 different therapists and only about half of them were actually suited to me. One of them my mum actually yelled at! 2 of them made me cry every session and the rest I left after ten sessions because I felt like I wasn't progressing, just re-hashing the same thing over and over.

There are also loads of different types of therapy and they don't all suit everyone. For example, nearly every psychologist will do CBT but CBT does NOT work for me. In the end, the therapist I liked the best was a psychotherapist who was a also a meditation teacher and occupational therapist. She was more into the other modalities like process work, Jungian psychology, Taoism etc

Finally, my psychiatrist told me "some things just can't be fixed by talking" as in there is only so much you can do in therapy but the brain is a physiological organ after all.

For me, doing some reading about more spiritual, "inner child" and personality aspects of mental health has been pretty helpful.

Hi @Jlol sorry to hear you've not had success with multiple therapists.

I think anything in the mental therapy field is quite challenging and also limited. An apt description I've read is that many people think that fixing their mental health is like taking their car to the mechanic... you take your car there, the mechanic fixes it, and you drive away. Not so. It's more like you've broken down on the side of the road, so you call the mechanic, describe what the car seems to be doing (or not doing), they tell you to go to the auto store and buy some things, and then they describe how you use the things to fix the problem. If that doesn't work, then you need to try something else. But the key elements are twofold, you are the one doing the fixing and the expert cannot see what's really going on, they're relying on your (non-expert) description of the problem!

My experience was 1 absolutely useless psychologist (they just said "be more mindful" yeah great), 1 psychologist I got along very well with, and who helped me turn the corner, but after 18 months of achingly slow progress I opted for medication alongside therapy which accelerated my progress. But I then stopped both things and slipped backwards. I have since seen 1 different psychologist (who is OK, but not as good as the earlier one) and 1 psychiatrist (who was definitely not worth the money) and I'm trying the medication option again (a different one, not sure it's working).

I also have spent many years successfully "coping" and eventually you can reach a point of exhaustion. I think the key thing there is that we realise too late that the "coping" was gradually draining our energy and resilience until the tank is empty and then there's a bigger problem to deal with.

Certainly, being kind to ourselves and forgiving the need for rest is part of the solution. But so is doing the basic necessary things to stay alive and healthy like eating meals, getting some physical movement, and (if possible) going to a job. None of this needs to be done perfectly though, and we need to forgive ourselves to do a less than perfect job. The occasional "doona day", skipped meal or sick day isn't harmful. But if every day is like that, it is harmful. Longer term, "coping" needs to be living in a way that builds resilience rather than eroding it. I haven't mastered that bit yet, but I know I'll need to figure it out pretty soon.

I think another aspect, certainly with anxiety, maybe CPTSD has some similar elements, is that trying to enforce control over it makes it worse. As Alan Watts says, it's like trying to smooth water with a flat iron.. you only stir up more waves. The only way to let it settle is to leave it to settle on its own. One of the techniques taught is just to watch an anxious thought float by as if it's going down a river, and not choosing to engage with it, just noting it as an anxious thought and letting it pass. I've tried that, with some limited success....