Rejection sensitivity, abandonment fears, craving belonging

Hey @Dark_Olena ,

Thank you for posting.

I have to day, your experiences are not uncommon. Many feel the hurt and shame that comes with rejection. I sure know I have in the past. Rejection was painful. So much so that I ended up excluded myself first so that I didn't have the face rejection.

In the end, through much therapy work, I realised I was actually sabotaging things. I shied away from people and hence my social skills got worse and worse.

I attend group therapy for nearly 2 years. It was very very helpful. It was the same group of people each week and the same facilitators - hence, no surprises. It was a safe place.

Between group therapy and these forums, I was able to practice the social skills I so desperately needed to face the lions in the world.

Nowadays, if anyone says boo to me, I'm the first to stand up for myself and stand up for what is right. I was never like that before....now, I also think my interpersonal skills and confidence is much more than many out there - is that because of age and experience??? I don't know.

You can do it @Dark_Olena . A lot of positive self-talk goes a long way. After all, if someone doesn't like you, it's their loss 🙂

True that @Dark_Olena

Hope about online group therapy or any online groups? I know it's not exactly the same, but it's something?

Also, I do have to say that these forums helped me a lot where I could 'practice' social skills by chatting with others. It actually made a huge difference. I was a regular forum user before I became a Community Guide and then I started working as Peer Worker. 10 years ago, I would've never thought i'd even talk to people!!!

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@tyme wrote:

I have to day, your experiences are not uncommon. Many feel the hurt and shame that comes with rejection. I sure know I have in the past. Rejection was painful. So much so that I ended up excluded myself first so that I didn't have the face rejection.

In the end, through much therapy work, I realised I was actually sabotaging things. I shied away from people and hence my social skills got worse and worse.

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Haha this is funny you should say, because as I was reading @Dark_Olena's post I was thinking "I hate family gatherings, I just grin and bear it and then bitch about it with my mum or partner afterwards"

We had our fair share of family disagreements - my sister in law unfriending on facebook, my brother writing angry letters, screaming matches between my mum and brother - and on my partner's side, his siblings not talking to each other, estranged relatives, he said/she said... it goes on and on. I fly under the radar and just prefer not to get involved.

But the nieces and nephews really like me (they are all under 4 though), so I don't care too much what their parents think as they are their own people and can choose if they wish to talk to their auntie.

Just get through it the best you can, or, if you really don't want to go you can say no - this is a completely valid option too.