How do I help my husband?

Hi @FloraRose

Relationships are challenging at the best of times, let alone adding mental health on top of it all. Make sure you look after you first, we have some information here... Families, friends & carers (sane.org)

Give yourself time and gentleness in working through this, it's hard and you are not alone.

Hi @FloraRose ,

It sounds like such a tough place to be in. I can hear you are doing what you can to support him, however, we also know that a person has to want to change.

I read that you have tried talking to him about getting professional help but he is resistant. Have you asked why he may not be interested in getting help? What about if you go with him?

I hear that you are also concerned about your own mental health. I'm wondering if you can get some support for yourself?

As much as you have tried speaking to him, I wonder if you can tell him how you are feeling about the whole situation e.g. "I love you, but I'm worried about our future....etc?"

The desire for recovery needs to come from within him. Only then can mountains be moved.

Please take care,

tyme

@tyme i have asked him why he doesn’t want professional help and he strongly believes it doesn’t benefit him.

I am linked in with sane and have my first therapy session next week.

I have tried everything and he just gets upset or doesn’t show any interest. I just want him to make better life choices for himself. It’s a very tough situation to be in.

• Not qualified but have lived experience.

Often a refusal to communicate or any further steps in life is due to learned helplessness. In the sense that it could be this person have tried to communicate his/her/ frustrations before but have for whatever reasons felt that it was either not heard or misunderstood. Or it could be some underlying, deep seated issues such as shame, such as cultural background where, for example, where I am from mental health is often meant crazy like those poor representation you see in popular media where people smear feces on their faces and eat it for example.

UPDATE

we had a conversation about how I was feeling and it turned into a heated debate. He wasn’t having a word of it. Am I crazy for wanting him to do more with his life? I feel like I’m running low on options and I don’t want to give up on him and I never will however I feel like maybe I should let him do what he wants and just focus on myself. Sucks we can’t improve on ourselves together. I respect that he is currently content sleeping and gaming i just feel that as his wife it’s my job to make sure he succeeds. Any thoughts or advice would be greatly welcomed

Hi @FloraRose

I can imagine how frustrating this is for you. You must be feeling at your wit's end trying to work out how to best encourage and support him. Unfortunately, I really have no ideas for you. I haven't been in this situation. But I wanted to validate your feelings and imagine if I was in your situation I'd feel similarly.

Warmest

Hanami

@FloraRose , @Healandlove ❤️

sometimes it is hard to be encouraging at this time and I have bitten my tounge on many occasions and to knowing when to speak up and say somethig

How are things going for you @FloraRose @WokeThisWay ?

@FloraRose I am new here and wondering how things are going for you now?

I am the mother of an adult son who sounds remarkably similar. I too have my own mental health challenges going on and feel pretty lost at the moment. No idea what is left that I haven’t tried to encourage him to move out of the space he’s in. (4 years now)

Hoping you are okay 🩷