How do I help

Hi @Lostandneedhelp

Welcome to the forums. I'm one of the moderators on the forums here at SANE. I'm so sorry about your daughter. I can imagine how tough this is having my own kids. I'm unsure of what to suggest but I'm wondering if one of our members @BPDSurvivor has any ideas.

It's really important to look after yourself and I'm wondering if you've been in touch with the carer organisations?

Warmest regards

Hanami

Thank you! I am seeing a psychologist to help me deal with things and I have taken a getaway but things have escalated upon my return!! I would appreciate any advice members might give

Your post sounds like my own story. I have pretty much exactly the same situation with my 32 year old daughter. She also spent a month in rehab for alcohol addiction, but after she came out, nothing much changed. We have just received the BPD diagnosis and found a good psychologist who is willing to work with her, but despite what I have been told, I am not sure if that alone is going to be enough. I found our psychologist on a website called Psychology Today and you can narrow your search down by the issue to be treated and geographic area. You can then ring and have a chat and see if they are a good fit. I hope that helps.

I totally feel for you with what you are going through as what we are living with at the moment is probably the most difficult thing I have ever done in my life. Best of luck and stay strong!

Hi @Jan294

Just want to pop in and say welcome to you! Hope you find it comforting to be here.

Warmest wishes

Hanami

Thanks for your reply somehow it helps knowing I’m not alone. I will check out the psychologist thanks. Totally agree hardest thing I’ve been through I feel burnt out all the time..

Hey @Lostandneedhelp ,

I can hear your frustrations. It must be so hard to have someone who clearly needs help but is not wanting it.

I have BPD. I've been through treatment and what I know is that if there isn't 100% buy-in from the person, it is very difficult for therapy to make a difference.

I read in your post that she lives with you. Does she have any responsibilities at home for which she much be responsible for e.g. pay board, contribute to bills etc?

If she is quite comfy at home, she may not see the need or reason to make any changes.

Borderlines are nearly always hurting inside. Her coping mechanisms such mixing substances are most likely a way to numb the pain.

I'm speaking from experience. It was not until I was in my early 30s that I was finally ready for treatment. It had to come to a point where I was sick of myself.

Unless she sees the need to change, it'll probably be super hard to get her to engage in therapy.

As for medication, with Safe Script/Real Time Prescription Monitoring, pharmacies are held liable if they provide more medication than she is entitled to. The pharmacies have access to records of who gets what. https://www.health.gov.au/our-work/national-real-time-prescription-monitoring-rtpm

Please look after yourself. I hear it is hard for you. You may be interested in Topic Tuesday // Supporting loved ones living with BPD // Tuesday 25th January, 7pm-8:30pm AEDT

@tyme Thanks so much some great insight there. I will check the topic link out.

@tyme I can’t get my daughter to contribute to anything and believe me I have tried. She is back working so that gives me sone hope!!

Hi @Lostandneedhelp

So glad you found us here! Your situation is challenging to say the least. We are here to help. There is a people like us story here... Mahlie (sane.org) that me help you. Rest assured you are not alone and your story matters. There is also lots of info here... Families, friends & carers (sane.org)

Hope this is useful 😊

Thank god she is back working. @Lostandneedhelp That is a big step in itself.

I'm saying that because for me, work was my stability. Yes, I had to mask, but it meant i had responsibility that I had to fulfil.

At the same time, masking at work ALL DAY meant I really lashed out when I came home. I was mentally so exhausted from masking that it meant my loved ones had to bear the brunt of it. Do you find that?

Have you ever asked your daughter, "Are you satisfied with how things are?" She may not have to answer you. But it'll get her thinking. Unless she is dissatisfied with herself, there's no need for change. Change takes effort.

Just hang in there. Set your boundaries. A yes is a yes and a no is a no.