I think I was born in the wrong life.

I haven’t seen my psychologist in quite a while.

I had an appointment today, but I have been late to work enough times, and I didn’t want to get in trouble, so I had to cancel and say I’ll get back to her when I can attend next. She hasn’t replied as of yet. Unfortunately, I do have to wear a cancellation fee. But it’s better to cancel the session than cancel work right now. Work is ungodly levels of busy.

It was hot, I was tired. So unfortunately, I did end up breaking my streak of days sober.

I’ll be honest, I do regret it. I have been spending a lot of effort looking for ways to get away with drinking, and hiding it, when I should just enjoy life, and if I feel like alcohol and I can afford it, and it makes sense, then go for it, rather than going out of my way for it. That’s a little shift in my approach which should hopefully work.

The fear of getting caught by my family is frustrating. It’s a lot easier to not have to worry about it.

It is annoying that I was born into a culture that doesn’t welcome alcohol. I’m expected to completely abstain from it, do you understand how much more difficult that is?

It is annoying that I was born into a culture where arranged marriage is the norm.

It is annoying that I was born to look the way I do. I could be an elite athlete, but there’s only so much you can do about the way you look. I saw a joke headline the other day “NASA scientists aim to approach girl within twenty years”. That’s funny, but it’s not as funny when that’s apparently the type of person you’re supposed to be.

It is annoying that I have autism, which makes me think and act the way I do.

It’s all come together to bring about a situation that just doesn’t fit.

I’m sure you know what I mean, even though you have some control over where your life goes, you don’t really. I think I was meant to play this role in life, as the lovely but hopeless person.

I hate it, though.