28-year-old child.

I have noticed that I am very childlike. I think it seems from my childhood trauma, being bullied in childhood.

I have found that I was childlike in high school, and now in adulthood, I’m dealing with things most teenagers do: being better academically, dealing with romantic feelings et cetera.

Even now, though, I feel like a kid sometimes. I have recently been informally diagnosed with Autism. My psychologist said that to get an actual diagnosis, a psychiatrist has to sign off on it, but you don’t need to if you’re not going to use it for anything. Symptomically, I have it.

One of the things she said is that autistic people tend to have a very logical or simple way of looking at the world. A lot of the social customs and rules which are difficult to understand for autistic people, start from adulthood.

Children don’t have to learn how to be adults.

I was a little bit disappointed by my 8-year-old nephew today. I went shopping with him, and we spent the whole morning together walking around. We had lunch at a cafe, with him, my sister and my 18-month-old niece.

It was a lot of fun, and then I got home and started watching the Warriors game. Our living room has a big window looking out to the backyard, and I felt like playing, passing the footy around. However, I was waiting for my nephew to come visit, because playing by yourself isn’t quite as fun.

When he comes, he doesn’t want to play. I tried convincing him, but no luck. You would think it’s the other way around, where he wants to play and I can’t be bothered. Sometimes it is, but on this occasion, I wanted to play catch outside. He did play with my niece for a bit inside, but it’s a freaking oven inside…

So that was a little annoying. I don’t mean to be all “back in my day”, but I do want him to be more active, like a kid should be.

I mean I get it, he’s been sick lately anyway. He’s cool.

I do find it interesting, though, that I was being the child in that situation.