Lesbian (Lady Queer)Lounge

Hey @Velvet_VanDetta,

Some super challenges for you recently. Understanding is a great foundation to work from. It sounds like it's been tough. Be gentle with yourselves and forgiving, It's ok not to have all the answers. It's super impressive you are supporting each other through this.

I identify as lesbian. I am currently on a no contact break with my ex-girlfriend as things were getting unhealthy. It's challenging for me, because I love her to the very depths of me and they are not in a position to give me what I want. I want to build a life with someone who is encouraging and is wanting to work towards common goals together. I realise I need to work on self love for the time being.

Hi @Blackbird11

It is definitely a steep learning curve, that's for sure... and we are all figuring it out as we go along... learning more about ourselves and each other.

It sounds like your current situation with your ex is very difficult, particularly because you still have strong feelings for her while being self aware enough to know that she is unable to give you what you need right now. That can be so hard to reconcile within ourselves..

The no contact rule, even if it is considered the right thing to do, is so so hard! It is a real sense of loss of 'our person' and the grief that follows can feel overwhelming.

You sound like you are in a strong place within yourself to realise that the relationship was not a healthy one and you chose to put yourself first. I hope you feel proud that you were able to identify what you want as well as what you don't, and taking charge of your own life. It is such a difficult thing for many people to do.

@Velvet_VanDetta I did choose the no contact break because I recognised things were unhealthy. I miss them so much, but I know I need space to work out my feelings and understand how they could not give me what I needed. I do hope after the break we can remain friends. For now I engaged with my supports and am finding peace about it. It sure is hard though.

@Blackbird11 It's great you have those supports to lean on. While it doesn't necessarily make the process any easier, it can at least take some of the weight that we carry off our shoulders.

It is a very strong move to ask for what you need, Kudos to you for having that courage.