I may not be OK, but I am getting better.

I have had my issues and problems when it comes to mental health like many of us here. A couple months back I was in a really bad place thanks to a medication which was for nerve pain. Over time the drug which is primarily used for epilepsy and other medical conditions was in fact changing the way my brain chemistry was working. If effect the altered the way I was thinking, and it also changed the way I perceived things around me effecting not just my thoughts but also my emotions.

It literally altered my understanding of reality, by gently skewing my perspective and having me read into situations and events things that just were not there. I developed feelings for a very good close and caring friend unfortunately, I eventually alienated this person from my life because of the unhealthy thought processes I had due to the distorted view of the world around me. I have since removed this toxic unhealthy medication from my life and my thinking is now slowly returning to normal however I am still upset by the events and how they impact my good friend.

I have apologized for the pain and grief that I caused them during my time influenced by the medication, and I know that they may not forgive me and that hurts deeply especially given that this friend is someone who was very special to me. I know that they have helped me during my darkest days, and I have thanked them for that as well because I owed them that thanks. I just have to remain patient and know that in time they may forgive me for my horrible behavior during what I will refer to as the "DARK AGES"

I have been able to get through the last couple weeks with gradual improvement in how I am feeling both mentally and physically. Counselling has been helpful and they meditation my friend started me on was good, but I have since moved onto a better one. I was progressing rapidly for a bit of that time but now the progress has slowed down to a walk, not a run.

I will spend the next couple weeks focusing on the continued improvements in both my mental and physical well-being. I know that several months ago I had some poor habits, now they have been replaced with better healthier habits which continue to improve my outlook.