Spiralling Thoughts

Hi @bitterbuddha and welcome to the forums.

You really don’t need to apologise for sharing your pain with us. You are very brave to be so open about your life.

I hope the new psych is the right fit for you and you are able to work through some issues.

Meanwhile please share whenever you need on here. There are lots of friendly people who are non judgemental on the forums who will share lived experiences with you when appropriate.

Take care

Hey @bitterbuddha ,

It sounds like such a difficult space to be in. I'm sorry to hear about the hurt you have endured that still has effects until this day.

By connecting on these forums, I hope you find the emotional support you deserve in knowing you are not alone. I hear it has been a very difficult journey. Many parts which you'd want to disappear.

Yet here we are. Here to support you. Here to take this journey alongside you. Here to help you feel less alone.

Hi @bitterbuddha I have known trans folk and you have to have G&D to move through this world. I speak to someone regularly and he is so bold! He puts himself out there and people have no choice but to provide acceptance and understanding. He has tonnes of friends and is able fit in. But yes I know your predicament as for many trans folk its just not like that. I have read one book on trans literature called Separate Selves and the self loathing can be a common issue amongst people in your community. Its self internalised from systemmic oppression and family upbringing. I think the same goes for anyone in the mental illness community. I think the key is focussing on your sense of self worth and building from there and just moving through society as if you have nothing to hide. Start changing the self talk a bit and start focussing on what you do want instead of what you don't. Don't be afraid to shine your light and be the person you were meant to be. The world needs YOU! ❤️

@bitterbuddha

Sending a coooeeee

I was struck by the quiet way you referred to the paragraph with a list of diagnoses, saying you dont want it. Sounds normal to me, to want a break from all that.

Wishing you the best with your new psych. Yes I am ambivalent about all that, but it is what is available and I am learning to make the most of it. It is your right to do that. Be who you are, and reach out for support, with peers, community or one on one clinicians. I also identify as neurodiverse.

I like your name. It evokes richness, light and sadness for me. What does it mean for you.

Hi @bitterbuddha

I'm so sorry you are having such a rough time, it all sounds very complicated and difficult to cope with. You DO deserve friends, you don't have to earn them!

I hope the psych is helpful, hang in there 🙂

Hello Appleblossom,

The Bitter Buddha is a nickname for a comedian by the name of Eddie Pepitone. He looks and sounds like a stereotypical Brooklyn guy, but for all his rage against the systems I remember him as much for his penchant for silliness and his bright laughter.

I chose the name because I had just remembered a bit from his first comedy album, where he has printed out his tweets, and only reads out one; "WHY?!", with 52 retweets. I feel sometimes like screaming it in public, but then I'm not one to cause a scene. Maybe if I knew someone would soon after scream out "em!", Another going "see!" I think you know where my joke/idea is going from there.

Eddie had a documentary out with its title as "The Bitter Buddha", and what I took from it years ago was his smile, specifically his teeth. There's a whole subsection of my trauma labelled "dental", and it made me nervous about smiling for many years. But seeing him smile for the camera made me shed some of my baggage about smiling, sometimes I will freak out a little about seeing a picture, but I'm definitely better about it thanks to something that Eddie might have also got insecure about.

Smiling is essential for everyone, and it's cruel how there's all the industries built around the idea of a great smile. Best way to fight is to laugh. Anyway, it's been great rambling, and thank you for the response. I feel quite tired, so I don't know how I'll go with further responses. Every response has meant a lot.