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Rock bottom

ChrisSenior Contributor20 Nov 2016, 4:12 pm AEDT

Rock bottom

Hit rock bottom. I cannot see a way out. no matter what i do things wil always be this way. I cannot change the past. ive tried talking about it. Tried changing. it all goes back the same way. years of therapy have done little. diagnosis of various mental illnesses doesnt mean much. people i have trusted always end up leaving me. ok so that just part of life. but i feel its been use abuse then leave over and over again. i cant do it any more. i have to switch off and put that protective barrier back up. to be honest i dont want to be here anymore, i just lack a full proof way to end it all. i would hate to fail.

4 replies

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In response to: Rock bottom

Unknown userMember20 Nov 2016, 5:52 pm AEDT

Re: Rock bottom

Hi @Chris

Frog is back in the pond and I just read your message which floated over to me via a lilypad...(forgive the amphibian humour).

I'm sorry to read that you have hit rock bottom today, not great 😞

I understand how it hurts when people break your trust and abuse your friendship. When depression sets in, all those negative memories come flooding in again. I understand that you don't want to be here but please keep yourself safe. I want you to be here, and I'm sure others on the forum feel the same. Many people know that feeling of rock bottom and not wanting to go on. Hopefully they will share some words of support.

In your post of Nov 16th, you mentioned going to your local pool and getting a 10 ticket pass so you can swim on a regular basis. Did you do that? Is it warm where you are today? Maybe you could go for a swim (personally my favourite activity). You could just float in the water and enjoy the simple sensations of being lighter, freer and more relaxed. You could do some laps which will tire you out nicely for a sleep later.

Simple things can be the best things when we are depleted.

Take care and keep in touch,

Frog

In response to: Re: Rock bottom

ChrisSenior Contributor20 Nov 2016, 8:37 pm AEDT

Re: Rock bottom

Abuse by friends is not the problem. its abuse by family members. thats what hurts the most. i didnt get to the pool yet. But i did manage to to make my christmas cake today. Wont be cooked untill 9.45 tonight. Didnt realise it took so long. Anyway i will be able to feed it for the next four weeks before icing it.Managed to do all the washing up too. See my psychologist tomorow.

In response to: Re: Rock bottom

AppleblossomSenior Contributor20 Nov 2016, 9:32 pm AEDT

Re: Rock bottom

@Chris respect for family can be easily eroded in this day & age. Sorry they are giving you a hard time. Yep family hurts most and there is little escape.

I have meant to get to the pool too .. one day.

Good on you for organising for the big day. I dont do christmas cakes Aus style .. nanna and mum never did them .. now i just do a cheesecake trifle or mousse ..

In response to: Re: Rock bottom

Unknown userMember20 Nov 2016, 9:47 pm AEDT

Re: Rock bottom

Hey @Chris

How awesome are you - baking a Christmas cake!! There is definately something therapeutic about baking, if you love cooking 🙂

It's a nice metaphor for illness too, in that a whole lot of messy stuff can go into that cake tin but with some heat and patience, something sweet can emerge...

Maybe have a think about what ingredients you need to mix into your life to make it more balanced and supportive of your better health. Good topic to talk through with your psychologist tomorrow.

You'll be ready for sleep soon 🙂

Frog

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