Isolation

Hi Forumites,

I hope you've all been stable, happy or recovering.

I've been working hard on staying off the grog, live more mindfully and become a member of my local community. I'm managing well off the grog and I'm really proud of that. Mindful living comes and goes. As much as I try, I'm not making meaningful connections in the community though. That makes me feel isolated and I'm also paranoid about letting people into my life, which doesn't help as I block everyone out when I get paranoid, which is normal, I guess.

I've always felt great pressure to fit into society. I don't. People say find your tribe, your chosen family blah blah, but that really doesn't mean anything. I just feel very isolated. I don't work, I don't drink, I'm autistic, mentally ill, gender diverse... and I get intentionally excluded by others as well. People say, just be yourself, but I can't. I don't feel safe to show my gender and have even been knocked back by LGBT communities, just because of the way I look. It doesn't seem to matter that I'm a person too and that makes me incredibly sad.

But I'm in a hypomanic episode and try to find the balance rest & grounding while enjoying the energy, creativity etc. Fingers crossed that I can walk on this tight rope.

I've been thinking about my future and where I could live and how I could survive without my carer, but I'm not making any progress on that. I guess eventually it will come to a blow and maybe I'll know then what to do.

Have a lovely weekend everyone x