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What is wrong with my brain?

creative_writerSenior Contributor25 Aug 2023, 10:55 am AEST

What is wrong with my brain?

I entered I hypomanic state yesterday, or maybe before yesterday since I've been quite agitated and energised lately, but I felt the depressive symptoms lift for a bit. Maybe it wasn't a true lift because it was so fleeting, I have essentially been depressed most of the time for an extremely long time. Now I am depressed and hypomanic at the same time, my brain is racing. What is wrong with my brain? I can't keep going through this torture. Stupid mixed states, can't my brain make its mind up on what to feel? How do I make it stop? My head feels heavy, strong emotions are never good for migraines, I'll be lucky if it doesn't get any worse. My sleep was pretty broken

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In response to: What is wrong with my brain?

SnowieSenior Contributor25 Aug 2023, 12:01 pm AEST

Re: What is wrong with my brain?

Hi @creative_writer

I'm sorry that this is happening for you right now. It must be hard to deal with.

Is there something you can do for yourself to help calm down a bit?

I know it has probably be recommended before, but does writing all of your thoughts down help?

Perhaps just a suggestion.

Sitting here with you

In response to: Re: What is wrong with my brain?

creative_writerSenior Contributor25 Aug 2023, 1:49 pm AEST

Re: What is wrong with my brain?

@Snowie, I need to get into a quiet dark place, everything feels so stimulating. I’ll take a shower soon in a dark room. Nothing seems to make sense, I’m wired and energised but exhausted and achy. Migraine is only going downhill. I could exercise, but I am afraid that’ll only make the physical pain worse 😞. Just super frustrated right now.

Writing does help sometimes. My thoughts are racing so I guess so much needs to be expressed, not exactly sure what.I guess I could just write down raw thoughts.

I hope you are doing well 💖

In response to: Re: What is wrong with my brain?

creative_writerSenior Contributor25 Aug 2023, 4:49 pm AEST

Re: What is wrong with my brain?

I want to be normal

In response to: Re: What is wrong with my brain?

fluffylightSenior Contributor25 Aug 2023, 4:54 pm AEST

Re: What is wrong with my brain?

Hi @creative_writer
It sounds like you have been having a rough few days.
Normal is a myth! I learnt that off Gabor Mate's book and keep telling myself that to ground myself..

Sitting with you and if you feel like expressing those racing thoughts please know you can 🙂

In response to: Re: What is wrong with my brain?

creative_writerSenior Contributor25 Aug 2023, 5:28 pm AEST

Re: What is wrong with my brain?

@fluffylight, feeling really overstimulated, I can’t help but feel angry about being so sick all the time. I don’t want to have to take meds, but I am left with no choice. I don’t want to be the unhappy and mentally ill one, I just want to be happy

In response to: Re: What is wrong with my brain?

fluffylightSenior Contributor25 Aug 2023, 5:51 pm AEST

Re: What is wrong with my brain?

@creative_writer I can hear that you want to feel happy 💛 What does happiness look like for you?

I used to always reach for happiness and thought that was the only thing I needed to achieve to be okay with myself and my mental health. Its taken a long time for me to keep learning that I will never be just happy, happiness in my life will always come with all the baggage, non-linear recovery journey, tears, laughs, bad days etc..

Holding space for you 💛

In response to: Re: What is wrong with my brain?

creative_writerSenior Contributor25 Aug 2023, 6:04 pm AEST

Re: What is wrong with my brain?

@fluffylight being at peace and feel whole. I’ve had number of mental illnesses and it makes it harder to feel content and happy. I just can’t get on with it and move on. I carry a lot of baggage of things I want to forget. I want it to stop, how do I make it stop? I keeps hurting and hurting. I feel like I am losing my mind, I’m letting the thoughts that shouldn’t linger, linger

💖

In response to: Re: What is wrong with my brain?

fluffylightSenior Contributor25 Aug 2023, 6:24 pm AEST

Re: What is wrong with my brain?

@creative_writer You are so worth being at peace and feeling whole 💛

Thank you for sharing, I acknowledge that its not easy to get on with it and move on. I don't know.. after all these years if I've reached that, I don't think I ever will.. it will always follow me and always hurt to carry all of this everyday. But we are worth getting there, to a better place 💛

I can hear how much you hold, the baggage, the hurt, the lingering thoughts 💌

I am sending many virtual hugs to you 🤗

In response to: Re: What is wrong with my brain?

creative_writerSenior Contributor25 Aug 2023, 6:49 pm AEST

Re: What is wrong with my brain?

@fluffylight, it’s like I’m am just surviving, I want more than that from life. I feel like I am suffocating. I don’t want to be like this for the rest of my life. Then I’ll find myself trying to justify a way out, and I’ll feel guilty, I’m sure the are other people worse off, other people who have terminal illnesses who are fighting for their lives, the battles are harder, I am privileged, and yet, here I am thinking about ending my life

💖

In response to: Re: What is wrong with my brain?

creative_writerSenior Contributor25 Aug 2023, 7:58 pm AEST

Re: What is wrong with my brain?

I think I’ll take PRN tonight, i don’t know how else to resist urges

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