I can feel something is still amiss...

I recently joined the forum because of mental health issues, these were brought on by side effects from a medication which I no longer take. I have existing mental health issues and had for a long time been coping without any help. That was until a few months ago when I started to notice some massive uncontrollable mood swings.

I did a little research and found that the culprit was in fact a medication that I had been prescribed for nerve pain. I was aware of the side effects and things had been fine for quite a long time. I feel that when the dosage was increased is when the downward spiral began. I am normally reserved and can keep it together pretty good, so when I had a bit of a breakdown in the middle of a workday I knew something wasn't right.

This was a few months ago now, and I have since gone through a detox period for that medication and now all I have to deal with is the remnants of the medication in my system. I was on the medication for quite some time and have recently learned that I could be impacted by the side effects for longer than I was actually on it.

During the past couple of months, I was confiding in a very good friend, and due to the mind-altering side effects of the medication I ended up developing some strong feelings towards her. I have since found that those emotions and feelings were controlled by the medication enhancing and distorting my perception and reality. Unfortunately, I have been unable to talk to this friend because they have removed themselves from my life and are no longer talking to me. I really miss this friend and their helpful presence in my life but I also know that they need their space to also deal with the demons they have in their own life as well.

I continue to have good and bad days where my mood and emotions ebb and flow, back and forth. Yesterday for example I started the day positively and was going well until there was a work-based issue that caused a bit of frustration. This created additional issues as it resulted in some anger and caused a few muddled thoughts. The muddled thoughts added to the frustration, and I got to the point where I was upset with myself for allowing something so small to derail a good day.

I felt flat and uninterested in the remainder of the day, and even when I was on my way home, I wasn't really excited. I felt more like I was just existing and not enjoying life (even with load music to lighten the mood). I had a good sleep thanks to a combination of warm milk and meditation, so much so that I managed a sleep in. Something I had not done for quite some time.

Today my mood is rather flat, but I am preparing to go to the gym and invigorate my day that way. I have started to get back into the gym regularly and it is very helpful so are the small things I am doing at home to improve my health such as meditation. I just have to remember to keep moving forwards and not looking backwards to what has caused the troubles thus far.