Another Procedure

Procedure 8 for the year today, a cystoscopy. Find out if there are any further developments in my bladder cancer.

Got diagnosed with nerve tension in my shoulders a couple days ago, worse in my left shoulder. Got excersise to do to try and resolve, along with the excersises for my back. The nerve tension has probably come about because of the spasms I was having. Thankfully the back excercises have stopped them.

Got an appointment with the pain specialist on Tuesday next week, depending on what he decides there I might be changing pain specialist. My GP spoke to me recently about doing it, support people have encouraged as well. Mainly because of how much worse I am since I started with him.

Still struggling with sleep, I sleep for a few hours at night, I was sleeping a fair bit during the day as well but thats stopped. At night I have my night meds including sedatives, I dont have that during the day and my mind is pretty much racing, I cant settle and just roll around. It gives my back a break but Im really tired.

I just seem to have one issue after another, one issue causing another. I was told a couple days ago that the longer Im in the kind of pain Im in the more injuries and issues that will arise. So its unlikely its getting better in a hurry. Most my life is about minimising pain, monitoring conditions, excersises, treatments, pain killers, sitting for a while then laying down for a break. As much as we are doing, its not enough, Im still in pain. My mental health is really suffering as a result. Im feeling pretty overwhelmed by it all today, well a lot of days, but its bad today. As accepting as I am about today it is still looking for tumors, which there is a reasonable chance Ill have, which means another procedure to remove them etc. Its a lot to carry.

Im trying to focus on one thing at one time but thats hard, everything sorta mixes together most the time. Some days are harder than other, its not even just days that Im in lots of pain or something, its just having so many balls in the air trying to juggle them all its gets hard