I don't know what is going on and I can't access help

I'm really sorry to hear that you're experiencing such challenging emotions and thoughts. It sounds like you're going through a tough time, and I know how overwhelming it must feel right now.
If you need to chat and just get things off your chest, sometimes that’s the best thing when you’re stuck in these little pits of “I don’t know what is happening” so that you don’t feel like you’re trapped there alone!

I recently have been feeling this too, and the same thing with my relationship and just ending it… it’s strange and at the same time I don’t want to do that because I don’t want to be alone. I’m sure you thought the same! But I bet he cares and wouldn’t want to see you hurt or end your life.

please reach out if you ever need to chat or vent. I really hope things get better and start to brighten up. I know it’s hard but keep your head up xx

Hi and welcome @hec ...and also @Alligator_ 🙂

@hec I'm sorry to hear about what you're experiencing, especially the SI (suicidal ideation).

Could to you try to chat to the SANE Helpline while you wait for community mental health? 1800-187-263, 10am - 8pm.

@hec

That sounds pretty serious and also sounds kinda lonely. I noticed you talked a lot about your boyfriend but not about reaching out family or friends? Can i ask what you are insecure about, when you have these episodes, do you feel it would help if you used a dairy to write down what you are feeling so you can articulate the array of feelings you are having and see if there is a common thread?

Are you safe now? I hope so. Are you lonely?

I don't have any close friends. When I was growing up, my older brother had serious mental health issues and it took a massive toll on our whole family. I saw how much it affected my parents and younger brother. My mum doesn't really know how to respond properly to these things, just asks too many questions and gets frustrated when I can't answer them. She'll be upset with me that I didn't tell her earlier. It's a combination of not wanting to put this stress on them and knowing how they will respond.

I only just told my boyfriend recently which was a huge thing for me because I absolutely hate telling anyone. Because the nature of what I'm going through is so precarious, I'm worried that it'll overwhelm him and he will leave me.

I think a diary is a really good idea.

@hec Have you been on a Mental Health plan? I also have had a lot of mental health problems in the family and know the sessions offered can seem inadequate, but it may be worth it, in addition to the Community Mental Health. Working on more therapuetic style with the community system, more as back up.

It is really hard when families struggle with this stuff. I watched my brother and mother struggle for 30 years. Of course it impacts upon everyone close. We all get stressed, and worried and keep looking for signs of pathology within ourselves. Looking at attachment theory has also helped me.

Gently Bently through the new feelings. They may be a combination of anxiety in relationship and gladness for having a relationship all mixed up together... idk .... Take care Apple