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Just couldn't make heads or tails of things

Arbie_wunSenior Contributor16 Aug 2023, 4:52 pm AEST

Just couldn't make heads or tails of things

I have in the past had issues with my mental health but thankfully I had gotten through the rough spaces and found calm. Recently my physical health was impacted by a problem which resulted in a medication that had some unpleasant side effects. For quite some time things were well and then suddenly I was getting some massive mood swings.

I had been conversing with a good friend who also has their own mental health issues, and we were both supporting each other. Unfortunately, during this time my confused mental state created additional problems when I fell in love with a good friend who was just that, and I know that is how she feels because I asked her how she felt.

Even with this clarity my confused mental state would still have me considering what things would be like to be romantically involved with this person. I had to use the message she sent me to continually remind myself and redirect my thinking. So many interpersonal relationships during the past few weeks have been impacted (including strange thoughts about people whom I only see as a friend as there is no physical attraction or feelings)

So many times, I would find myself venturing into inappropriate thoughts about people and knowing that they were just not going to happen. It was due to the distortion of reality caused by the medication. During my detoxification period I was experiencing massive mood swings, dark thoughts and a series of strange and fractured ideas which even now do not make sense.

Thankfully my recent therapy sessions have enabled me to process some of the thoughts, but others will always remain a mystery. The only downside is that my friend and confidant is no longer talking to me and has distanced themselves from me for the past few weeks. I have to honour their silence and keep my distance even though it hurts greatly.

5 replies

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In response to: Just couldn't make heads or tails of things

MissLilSenior Contributor06 Sept 2023, 5:07 pm AEST

Re: Just couldn't make heads or tails of things

Hi, just checking in to see how you are going?
Time often helps people understand and process what has happened, do you feel that reaching out and having a conversation to clear the air and hopefully get your friendship back strong? Great friendships often lead back to one another after time.
I hope you are doing well and know that you have handled the situation so well

In response to: Re: Just couldn't make heads or tails of things

Arbie_wunSenior Contributor08 Sept 2023, 8:47 pm AEST

Re: Just couldn't make heads or tails of things

@MissLil I have rarely spoken to the friend, but I have apologized for my actions as they were rather toxic in hindsight. I know that they also have a lot going on themselves with their family but also their own mental health battles.

I just have to give them time and hope that they will eventually see fit to let me back into their lives. I also know that if they do not then it is something that I have to accept and I do understand that may happen. I know I was a terrible friend and that I was in the end very toxic, so much so that some of my behavior was invasive.

I had become extremely bad during my detox from a nasty medication which had adversely impacted my mental and physical health after a long period. In looking back, I was in fact mortified by just how bad I had become thanks to the adverse effects of the medication I was on at the time. Unfortunately, the one who it impacted the most was the one person who was my rock and gave me the most support during that time.

My distorted view of reality had caused me to develop an unhealthy romantic attachment that I can honestly say was a fabrication of the imbalance within my mind. This attachment unfortunately added additional pressure and strain onto my friend's life which they certainly didn't need at this point in their lives either.

In response to: Re: Just couldn't make heads or tails of things

tymeModerator08 Sept 2023, 9:10 pm AEST

Re: Just couldn't make heads or tails of things

I hope you are okay @Arbie_wun . It sounds like you have been reflecting a lot on what has happened and you see much of it as your fault?

Do you think you are putting a lot of pressure on yourself?

Can you think of some things you can do to help you through this difficult headspace? I'm not sure if you have any supports to help you work though some of these attachment issues so that you can work on forming healthy relationships?

I hear that it is a work in progress and isn't an overnight thing. Go easy on yourself.

In response to: Re: Just couldn't make heads or tails of things

Arbie_wunSenior Contributor08 Sept 2023, 9:15 pm AEST

Re: Just couldn't make heads or tails of things

@tyme I do have supports in place and I am aware of the retrospective thinking, it is more a facing reality because I was really a horrible friend for a short time. Thankfully I am not that person now, but I do have to accept responsibility for how I behaved and that is what I have done.

In response to: Re: Just couldn't make heads or tails of things

tymeModerator08 Sept 2023, 9:19 pm AEST

Re: Just couldn't make heads or tails of things

I'm in that boat too then @Arbie_wun . I was that awful 'friend'. I've done things I now regret. Yet thank God, I'm not that person anymore.

Use these experiences to make you a better person. You have the insight to be that better person 🙂

The hardest thing is when people don't see they are that person that needs to make changes.

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