I feel trapped and completely alone

I'm feeling completely overwhelmed and ashamed of my life. I'm not sure what to do and haven't cried this much in years.

I'm in a marriage that I probably should have left years ago when I had a chance. I convinced myself things would change and they did for about 3 years. Since March this year I've been experiencing intimate partner abuse of the sexual kind. It's been a journey to recognise/admit things aren't ok but through work arrangements, kids and living in a remote area, I feel trapped. It's all my fault. I'm over reacting. I'm failing as a wife and perhaps he will change. But then how many chances does he get? He gaslights me if I raise things with him.

I've started working with a counsellor and finally plucked up the courage to let a colleague know things aren't right (kept it very vague) but I really just want to tell them I need help and that I feel like I'm on the verge of breaking. I want someone to know the details and to let me know I'm not over reacting. No one knows that I was suicidal during Uni and I can feel myself sliding again. I'm not there yet but I'm aware and afraid of where I am heading. I don't know what to do.