i feel like im going in circles for the rest of my life

Hi @meowie ,

I'm hearing you.

Depression can be a lonely road. I can hear that you want to be able to connect with people, but when you have tried, you feel like a 'freak'. I'm sorry it has come to this. You deserve to feel connection and belonging.

I lived with depression for many years. My depression also began when I was about 16 or 17 years old. I had other conditions as well, but the depression really made life very difficult. I isolated myself for many years and only left the house if I had to work or something.

Over time, therapy and antidepressants gave me another chance in life. It wasn't until my 30s that things began to shift. I came to the point where I was actually really to make changes. It was a DO or DIE situation. So I did.

With support from my case manager and others, things began to change.

I used these forums as a way to practice my social skills, conversation, etc.

Nowadays, I'm not a social butterfly or anything, but I am so much more able to socialise with others. I still take meds - more for maintenance rather than anything else.

We'e here if you need a chat.

Aw dear 😔

Let me start by saying I emphasise with you have developed mdd as a teenager and to still be dealing with it at 30. I am 29, but still, I can relate.

I also really relate to the social problem. It's something I'm really struggling with right now, chronic brain fog means forming sentences and focusing on what people are saying is very hard, which makes socialising nearly impossible, and makes me feel stupid.

I'm so sorry you couldn't get on to the psychiatrist, it is so frustrating when you try to do something proactive for yourself and it doesn't work. Can you call triage or the community mental health at the hospital? They can refer people to a psychiatrist.

Right now I'm going through hell, because I reduced my medication when i shouldn't have. But apart from medication, I've found Dr Chris Palmer (a Harvard psychiatrist) to be a great resource for ways to combat mental illness. You can check him out on YouTube.

Sorry this is a scatterbrained reply, my head doesn't really work right now.

The main take away is you are not alone, and you can get better. I have to believe there is hope for all of us.

Love x

Hi @Christheart !!! Longtime no see

@Captain24 hi ❤️ hoping you are well and safe tonight ❤️❤️

Good morning @meowie

How are you today? Hoping you are safe and are able to do some self care this morning.

❤️

@tyme thats exactly how my life is right now. im permanently at home unless i have an appointment or something i cant miss. im not even going to uni anymore because i dont have any motivation to even do the projects and i just feel like im wasting the teachers time, and kindof my own time too. a couple of months ago i did branch out and go to a social event held at uni but yeah thats where i feel like a freak. everyone else talked about work and getting drunk on the weekends, i wanted to talk about my hobbies and games i like? but it felt so empty and everyone felt like a stranger no matter how much we actually talked.

i dont even desire to be a social butterfly i love and need my time alone. but at the moment i dont have a single person offline and its extremely isolating. sometimes i just want someone to talk to while i buy groceries or something? but currently i dont have anyone for anything and my efforts to change it dont seem to go anywhere

@Christheart i feel this too, i have memory issues probably stemming from depression and i can completely forget a whole topic mid sentence which is just frustrating, feels like i dont even have control over my own thoughts. but also people think its really funny because they dont understand it (i dont explain it to strangers because im not comfortable sharing that type of thing with them) but i hate being laughed at for it anyway so ive cone to kindof automatically stay out of conversations when they do come up.

what kind of options are there from the hospital? ive never gone there for anything mental. like do they have psychiatrists covering a range of areas or is it just the one person? i dont feel i need a psychiatrist urgently

@meowie Depression really can take a toll on your cognition. I can't imagine the shame and sadness I would feel of someone laughed at me because of it. We just have to remember we are still valuable even though we struggle. It is very hard on your self esteem though, I understand 😞

I have called my hospital before and asked for community mental health, then I have told them what is going on for me, usually it is when I am in crisis, and they refer me to a psychiatrist. Or I have called Triage and triage have referred me to them and then a psychiatrist.

How are things @Christheart ?