LostAngelSenior Contributor
feeling Agitated /triggered but not in the way youd expect
Hi Friends Ive kind of improoved anxiety wise just need to write about something else, Emotional vulneralbility sorry for the mispelling but also think feeling vulnrable has made me feel agitated, how do I put this into words? Ok Ill try to restart what Im saying or trying to say , I had a momment today where I just started crying and had a bit of a self realisation about emotional vulnrability that is I let my gaurd down with someone and shared my feelings and just all these insecurities and emotions came upto the surface as I was allowing myself to be that emotionally ungaurded and I first I felt an overwhelming sense of fear at letting my emoions out and putting my gaurd down but as I shared what I felt it was kind of catarthartic or whatever that word is and in the momment I felt safe to let this stuff all these emotions and thoughts up and out of my system and the fear changed to an overwhlming sense of grattitude instead of fear ,and then I felt better ,but a few hours later its like Ive gone back to being angry at myself for letting my gaurd down almost as if Im chastising myself later on for being so open and honest and well raw emotions cause its like later on Im just angry with myself for putting my gaurd down and as if my habit Ive learnt to sef protect is saying why did you do that you know your suposed to keep your gaurd up to protect yourself,but heres the the thing its like my brain isnt happy that a let go of being hypervigiliant and now wants my gaurd up way too high again hope this makes at least some sense to anyone I felt safe in the momment but later my brains trying to almost tell me otherwise as if feeling raw emotionally was somehow wrong instead of right ,Im out of words now but thats basically it ,also am safe just to let you know
