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Anticipatory Anxiety

MeletaCasual Contributor19 July 2023, 5:02 pm AEST

Anticipatory Anxiety

It's just under two weeks before I fly out to Scotland to visit my daughter, son-in-law and two grandchildren. Back in 2018, I attended an anxiety clinic to cope with a fear of flying (we were going O/S then), and it helped very much - I was anxious from 3 weeks before, but it was manageable. We went again in 2019 and it was only 3 days before that the anxiety hit - again, manageable.

Now, however, I'm finding the anxiety as bad as it ever was, and finding very almost nothing to relieve it. Challenging the catastrophic thoughts is exhausting, and trying to think positively instead of negatively is very difficult. I know once I'm on the plane and in the air, I'll settle down, but it's the fear of the anxiety that's causing the anxiety! I also think I'm experiencing derealisation, because the world is not feeling the way it normally does when I'm feeling good - I'm not getting any comfort from being in my home. I guess I'm scared that I won't feel like myself again, that I will continue in this anxious, derealised state even when I should be enjoying my time with my family.

I'm also thinking that grief may not be helping - my mother died in March, and while we didn't have a loving relationship, I only just realised that I miss going out with her. My sister lives O/S, as does my only daughter, my eldest son and his wife plan to move to another state by Christmas, and my younger son and his wife are having fertility issues brought about by her cancer battle 4 years ago. Even my best friend has gone on holiday and won't be back before we leave, so I can't have a coffee with her.

Sorry if this all sounds self-pitying, but I'm having a really hard time right now. I am grateful that my regular life is not ruled by anxiety, though I am a worrier, but that's different. Thanks for letting me spill this out.

5 replies

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In response to: Anticipatory Anxiety

Jenn7Contributor19 July 2023, 10:05 pm AEST

Re: Anticipatory Anxiety

No way do you sound self pitying, if that’s a word. I think your amazing even contemplating going on a plane. My anxiety would be through the roof, This is only my opinion, but the older we get, the more anxiety we accumulate. It’s not easy to have anxiety, it’s debilitating and you feel so alone. And when your having a bad day, everything is negative in your life, when your not anxious, life really is ok. I don’t know if this helps, but I do it, I give into it, and wallow in negativity, until I just cry and cry. After I can cry no more, I feel much much better, for a good amount of time, just something I find helps. I think all I do is try to fight it and it gets exhausting. Hope that makes sense, Good luck and I hope you have a fantastic time.

In response to: Anticipatory Anxiety

hanamiSenior Contributor20 July 2023, 10:41 am AEST

Re: Anticipatory Anxiety

Hi there

@Meleta not self pitying at all! I feel you re the loss of people being near to you. I have four children and one lives interstate with another working at the snow here during our winter months and in Japan during our summer. My youngest daughter is still here and the thought of her leaving one day fills me with dread. And I also don't have a loving relationship with my mother but would dearly miss her if she passed away. It must be so complex for you to have these feelings.

I can totally relate to the fear of flying. I usually need medication even for a short flight. It's so hard knowing how challenging it is to overcome that fear of flying. Like, if I had a choice I'd probably never get on a plane. But I want to see the world, I want to be able to fly so I suck it up and do it. I'm sweaty and a nervous wreck in the days beforehand though.

Keep reaching out, I'm glad you found us here!

Hanami

In response to: Re: Anticipatory Anxiety

MeletaCasual Contributor20 July 2023, 1:26 pm AEST

Re: Anticipatory Anxiety

Thanks so much for responding! It helps to hear from others who experience it, too, and know how you're feeling. All the best to you.

In response to: Re: Anticipatory Anxiety

MeletaCasual Contributor20 July 2023, 1:33 pm AEST

Re: Anticipatory Anxiety

I'm glad I found you, too. Thank you for your response and understanding - I really appreciate it. I would never have got on a plane if my daughter hadn't married a Scotsman and decided to live there! So it's actually good for me to open my horizons, even though it is scary.

I'm feeling better today, having looked at more info about reframing negative thoughts and being reminded that I have control over my mind, plus doing some relaxation, and getting out with other people (not being so focussed on myself).

Hope your day is a good one, too.

In response to: Re: Anticipatory Anxiety

hanamiSenior Contributor20 July 2023, 1:35 pm AEST

Re: Anticipatory Anxiety

Hi @Meleta

I'm so glad to hear that you're feeling better today. I hear you - my son was pretty serious with his Japanese girlfriend and I was starting to think he'd end up living in Japan. They broke up though but he still works there for 6 mnths of the year

Take care

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