Letting go

(for full back story pls see previous posts)

Husband has been out of hospital and on a community treatment order for 3.5 weeks now, medicated for 4.5 weeks.

His father passed away 2 weeks ago and we had the funeral last week.

The funeral was the first time I'd seen him in 43 days. Highly emotional day!

We had started to have 'polite' text interactions and his anger towards me seemed to have dissipated.

He has refused to come home since his discharge and had told me that he couldn't see us together in the short term. He also wanted me to break the lease on our rental house (that we live in).

I took my time and weighed up the options and responded to him saying that I did not want to break the lease as it would leave me unstable with housing etc, but that I could get him removed from the lease if that's what he wanted.

He replied that I should go ahead, remove him and that we are officially now 'broken up' and I need to accept that. He is still holding me responsible for his hospitalisation as I've been honest that it was me who called mental health triage.

He denies still that he has any mental illness.

3 emails, 2 phonecalls from him to me where he wouldn't listen to anything I had to say, and 6 texts from him all angry and still blaming me.

I can't do this anymore.

I can't absorb anymore hatred, even if it's coming from a mental illness.

Nothing at all has changed. He sounds as unwell today as he did prior to hospital.

My soul is so tired.

Who know, in time we may work through it but for now, heartbreakingly, I have to let him go.

So sad 😞