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Comparrisons

ClockFaceSenior Contributor04 July 2023, 11:06 pm AEST

Comparrisons

I hate it when people make comments like, there are people worse off, the third world comments and things like their in a wheel chair and their smiling. My Dad has a bit of a tendancy to spout these kinds of things. Its not done in a way that its directed exactly at the person in the room but you know its pointed at you as well.

There are people worse off than me, I know that, I dont need to be told. Im sure they have had their own experience with all sorts of emotions.
The third world comments arent really fair. If I was unaware that there was a potential treatment available then I would move to acceptance where as I do know there is so I have hope. Before I knew of the treatment, I had accepted, I wasnt happy, I had bad days, but I had accepted.

The guy in a wheel chair smiling, you have no idea how many days they cried before they smiled. You're judging me, the day to day existance with this BS against a snap shot of another person on their best day

We all have our own experience with health issues and/or mental health issues, the number of variables that contribute to our experience is incalculable. Our support team, family, doctors etc. The medication prescribed, dose, frequency. The hospital we go to. but also how people react to us in our day to day, even our bed. The amount of sleep we get, what we eat, the list goes on, it all combines into our experience and it all contributes to how we deal with and recover from our condition. The key factor in all this though is us, we have to do what we can to filter the good from the bad, I dont think we have to try and keep a positive attitude etc, I think we have to accept how we feel and allow that to feeling to run its course, but at the same time we cant get caught up in negative thoughts and feelings to long, we cant get trapt there, but I do think they have a purpose, I think they are important things to experience.

2 replies

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In response to: Comparrisons

Kyle1Senior Contributor05 July 2023, 12:25 am AEST

Re: Comparrisons

It is clear we have seasons of the soul, @ClockFace. And I think you're right in the idea that it is wholistic to allow each one it's course.

There is such a thing as toxic positivity, too... which reminds me of a poem called the invitation. Have you read it?

Goes like this:

"It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon.

I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life’s betrayals or have become shrivelled and closed from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it, or fade it, or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own; if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, be realistic, remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me is true

I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself. If you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul.

If you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty even when it is not pretty every day. And if you can source your own life from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand at the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, ‘Yes.’

It doesn’t interest me to know where you live or how much money you have.

I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone and do what needs to be done to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me who you know or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand in the centre of the fire with me and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments."

In response to: Comparrisons

AussieRechargerSenior Contributor05 July 2023, 9:34 am AEST

Re: Comparrisons

Our Psychology is to cherry-pick the good parts. You are right in that a person in a wheel chair might be worse off but he also might be heard, acknowledged and supported.

You are the expert in your own life, and it's understandable why these comparisons make you uncomfortable, but my question to you is why they make you uncomfortable? What is it that you are interpreting from what your dad is saying?

There the important questions as you don't want to have a strained relationship so you need to understand how this make you feel and acknowledge what is being said but also explain why it makes you uncomfortable. Otherwise, its just a crack that just keeps breaking your relationship.

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