new here, living with depression, autism, ptsd; carer for 2 teens with autism, depression and behavioural issues. currently drowning...

Hi @Hazelsmemory

Oh. Not the Brady bunch I hear. (ha ha)

If only!

I am not in the same position and far from it.

Obvious inputs irritate me depending on who they are from, so I hope my reply does not irrigate you and you have probably been told similar.

RE: They both love me, but the stress has become unbearable. Both REFUSE help. I cannot force it. I beg. I reason. But I cannot get cooperation and if I were to call in outside help, it would completely sever any bond I have left with them. My 17 year old would hate me. Would feel as if I betrayed him. He does not want to see anyone. Talk to anyone. Take medication.

They both love you. Excellent.

The stress has become unbearable. Action is needed, like it or not. You need protecting for your mental health.

You home school: Because they want you to.

They love you, but do they respect your input? Maybe too young to?

SO: The part I am careful with.

But I cannot get cooperation and if I were to call in outside help, it would completely sever any bond I have left with them. My 17 year old would hate me. Would feel as if I betrayed him. He does not want to see anyone. Talk to anyone. Take medication.

Life is all about them and nothing about you.

Outside help is available although hard to get.

How do you know it will sever any bond?

The helper may be awesome! The helper may bring a freshness and allow some respite for you to relax, shop, clean whatever.

I suggest they are betraying you, the one and only support by not allowing you time for you.

Your 17 year old will hate you??? If I could say the amount of times I hated things I had to do as a youth because I lived in "their house" under "Their rules" we would run out of paper.

So even if your son hates you, a meal at macacs or a good tv show will soon sort that out.

Great song you may be remember: "You have to be Cruel to be Kind" Focus on the title.

I really feel no one is giving you any respite or you time.

Where will they go if you upset them?

Sometimes firmness gains RESPECT

Get respect back. Look after YOU!

Get home help. Go for a walk. Lie down. Go shopping.

Any thoughts?

Glad you are on this forum.

How do you know it will sever any bond?

Because I have lost a daughter through trying to help. As a teen she self harmed, suffered severe depression, I took her to Headspace, Orygen, Anglicare, I called paramedics. Because of that she left home permanently at 15 and severed all ties to me in 2017. I don't even know if she is alive now. Yes, it does happen. Sometimes trying to help someone DOES backfire and you lose that person. It has happened to me.

You don't know all of the context and I cannot share all of it, but both teens have severe social anxiety and my 17 year old has stated he would rather be dead than talk to someone and if I were to have someone in the home, he would lock himself in his room and not come out. If he ever threatened directly to harm himself, I would do whatever was necessary to save his life. He has not made threats. Only the wish to not be alive.

Even my therapist understands the complicated nature of my situation, and there is no clear solution. She is wonderful in regards to listening, caring, and offering resources and services that may help. But firmness is not a solution. We are not in a "I just need to put my foot down" situation. It is truly VERY complicated.

Not really looking for advice here on what to do in my situation, more just empathy and understanding. It is difficult to offer someone advice without knowing the whole story, which I have not shared and probably won't. I trust my therapist to give the advice regarding what to do. I guess I was just looking for peers who understand through similar experiences. Thank you for the input, though.

Hi @Hazelsmemory

If you reply to a particular message, type @ and you will see a drop down and select that name.

Then if you write you agree or disagree we know which message and person you are talking to.

Thank you

sorry, I'm not sure how to do that? I replied to the only message in response to my post.

Hi @Hazelsmemory

I did feel your matter a lot more complex. Hence me starting the post the way I did apologising in advance so as to not offend you.

I did say my matter went on for over ten years and the enhanced anxiety when new people suggested thanks that "of course" i tried or had a reason not to was shocking

So I am very sorry.

I am sorry to hear about your daughter.

I sense a very compassionate person. We need to vent but the last thing we need is to tell the whole story over and over again.

And to be truthful, I was not so close with my parents. On and Off I would say. Dad passed away and now I really miss his wisdom. A man of few words, but good words. I am the fool for not recognising that when I could

I hope I have not upset you. I am going to tidy up at work now.

I hope you have something to do this afternoon. Sounds like your plate is full!

Sorry. Thanks for letting me know what I did was not so good politely. You are special!

Hi @Hazelsmemory

All good.

I am the only one so far.

Others should reply to you later.

It is all good.

Sorry lost reply @Hazelsmemory due to tek idk??

will try again.

@Former-Member was referring to pressing shift then @key ... which generates drop down menu of recent posters on a thread. It enables people to tag individual forum members. As they will receive a notification of a tag and more likely to reply.

Other times it can be a bit random ... who will respond.

I am very sorry for what you are struggling with. I get that there is a complicated back story. I have probably spread too much of my story over the forum, and sometimes go back and try and delete for privacy concerns, but also feel driven ... to share if it can at all help.

Not sure that knowing others have had some similar experiences does help, but letting you know my son and his dad rejected an autism diagnosis, as they were wanting to send him to the autistic school ,,, which was not at all set up for kids with an aspie presentation ... my kids had been in the accelerated programs. I tended to agree ... that there 'solution' ... would have been more damaging in the long run ...

Personally I do not mind the aspie label ... but not rich enuff to bother about getting a dx... and one was not forced upon me.

My son school refused in Year 7. So I have some experience with home schooling ... and its limits, pros and cons.

Our story is here and there on the forum. Tho I do have privacy concerns.

If you want to tag me I am happy to chat. If that would help.

I am really sorry you tried the services with your daughter and that it severed the bond you had with your daughter ... I am not at all satisfied with my experience with schools. To be brief, tho have also taught privately at home and been a tutor. If only it was an ideal world ... weary sigh.