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How do I hold onto a dying relationship?

emmzNew Contributor14 June 2023, 8:33 pm AEST

How do I hold onto a dying relationship?

So my boyfriend and I have only been dating for 6 months, since we started dating his dad has been battling cancer. His survival odds when we first met were very high and he was improving. However recently a turn for the worst occurred, he is estimated to have a 10% survival rate. However, This survival rate depends on stem sell working, which my boyfriend is the only donnor.

This change has effected my boyfriend immensely. I went from having the most loving boyfriend who wanted to go out, would buy me flowers and call me every night. (we live 2hours away from each other). Now i have a man who just wants to be left alone and is too tired to do anything, asking not to see me for weeks. No dates, no effection, no sex. Even no call or birthday gift on my birthday, he did send a message but no call this hurt alot.

I completely understand his situation, him and his dad are very very close but at the same time i am struggling i feel single. I have tried to support my boyfriend emotionally but to no avail, instead i have made meals and completed chores to lessen the burden. Of cause i always make it clear that i am here to talk. For the last 5 weeks i have felt alone. I have spoken to him about this and he says i will do better but he is stressed right now.

I try to put myself in his shoes, I would hate if my boyfriend broke up with me if i was going through a rough time. But at the same time i am scared if his dad dies i will never get him back. So can anyone offer some advice? or share stories to give me hope to hold onto this relationship.

2 replies

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In response to: How do I hold onto a dying relationship?

tymeModerator14 June 2023, 10:00 pm AEST

Re: How do I hold onto a dying relationship?

Hi @emmz ,

Thank you for reaching out and sharing what has been happening for you. I can hear there is a lot of grief that is surrounding everyone.

I also read there is fear about the uncertainty of tomorrow. It sounds like you are doing what you can to support your mental health and wellbeing, yet you are longing to be able to support your boyfriend more.

Does your boyfriend have any supports in place? e.g has he contacted Griefline before?

Griefline 1300 845 745 https://griefline.org.au/

At the same time, have you reach out to any one for a chat? SANE counselling lines are available 10am-10pm (M-F) on 1800 187 263 OR Relationships Australia 1300 364 277 https://relationships.org.au/

At the same time, I encourage you to continue connecting here on the forums.

In response to: How do I hold onto a dying relationship?

Unknown userMember15 June 2023, 5:52 pm AEST

Re: How do I hold onto a dying relationship?

Hi @emmz

I feel for you when you met someone you obviously care for.

I think he is so lucky he has a father he cares for and it is probably mutual.

I feel his exhaustion as the father got worse.

Two thoughts (1) If you make demands now, in what may be his fathers final days, the relationship may be over as you said in last line. Or (2) if you give him space and support he may respect that more.

I hate to think of the mixed messages the father is going through with the escalation of bad health.

Sonetimes we have to let the bird free, or give it space and see if it comes back.

Lucky your boyfriend cares about his family.

Maybe give some space.

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