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I don't know if I can do this

R25Casual Contributor12 Nov 2016, 12:13 am AEDT

I don't know if I can do this

I'm going to see a GP to ask about getting a Mental Health Treatment Plan on Monday, this will be my first step as an adult into taking control of my mental issues. My husband has said at some point I will have to talk about everything for me to heal.

He knows about a time when I was 8 where I had an "experience" with a kid the same age as I was, I don't remember all that happened as whenever I think back & try to remember what happened after the door closed to the bedroom I have violent shakes (Happening right now as I write). I started self harming when I was 12 and on off until now. I tried to commit suicide when I was 14 and 2 nights ago for the first time since then it was suddenly a possible choice. I don't know what's wrong with me, I've been told since I was 14 by school counselors to talk to a psychologist but at that time my parents were scared that I'd be given pills which would in their words, "Turn you into a shell of who you really are". But this coming appointment is a choice which I believe is right if not solely because I don't want to damage people around me, someday I'll have children & I don't want to suddenly disassociate & lose all emotions which in turn gives me no real compass in making decisions where a child is involved.

At this moment I am scared of the future, I want to know what's wrong but I don't know if I can talk nor if I can handle finding out what happened behind that door.

9 replies

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In response to: I don't know if I can do this

utopiaSenior Contributor12 Nov 2016, 9:59 am AEDT

Re: I don't know if I can do this

@R25. Well done for being able to reach out fir help here and with your gp. Yes, it is hard walking through the door at the gp's and asking for help. But it's the best thing I ever did. It saved me. And niw I am in a totally different place. I feel so much better.
It sounds like you suffered a trauma when you were 8 & only a young child. Childhood trauma - when not treated - affects us as adults. So seeking help for this will help you to move forward ib your life.
Ask the gp to refer you to a psycholigist that specialises in childhood trauma. This would be a good fit for you.
You won't be forced to do or say anything that is frightening with your therapist. Initially you and your therapist will discuss easier topics - so that you can build trust between yourselves. Your therapist will teach you relaxation and calming techniques & other coping strategies - before moving to delve deeper into what happened. This way - you will be stronger and ready to find out what happened.
But you and your therapist need to work a pace that is comfortable for you. So please be honest and let your therapist know how frightened you are & that you may be more comfortable going slow.
The good news is that once you and your therapist work through this memory - your life will improve. You will be able to release this fear and move forward.
There is healing after childhood trauma.♥♥

In response to: I don't know if I can do this

KurraSenior Contributor15 Nov 2016, 6:49 pm AEDT

Re: I don't know if I can do this

How did your appointment with the GP go @R25? I hope you managed to get a mental health plan. Take care 🎶

In response to: I don't know if I can do this

R25Casual Contributor15 Nov 2016, 7:51 pm AEDT

Re: I don't know if I can do this

@Kurra I was told that I was presenting as having, "Emotional Dysregulation". I have not gotten the plan yet but was told to come back tomorrow for that (double appointment) before meeting a psychiatrist.

I wanted to ask because the GP told me to have a look for a psychiatrist that I'd like to go to but after having searched on Google I can't seem to find anything reviews wise that would differ one psychiatrist from the other. Can't the GP just provide me with a list or refer me to one she has worked with before as I up to now have not found one?

In response to: I don't know if I can do this

KurraSenior Contributor15 Nov 2016, 8:01 pm AEDT

Re: I don't know if I can do this

@R25

There's a website that may help. Mind you I've never used it.
www.rateyourshrink.com.au or look at the RANZCP website as they have a list of psychiatrists who are members of the Royal Australian and New Zealand College of Psychiatrists. 🎶💕

In response to: Re: I don't know if I can do this

mrkotterSenior Contributor15 Nov 2016, 8:11 pm AEDT

Re: I don't know if I can do this

@R25 wrote:
I wanted to ask because the GP told me to have a look for a psychiatrist that I'd like to go to but after having searched on Google I can't seem to find anything reviews wise that would differ one psychiatrist from the other. Can't the GP just provide me with a list or refer me to one she has worked with before as I up to now have not found one?

@R25 this is so hard. It's like the medical profession totally ignores that a psych and a patient need to get along before treatment can work.

A recommendation from me probably won't be worth much to you because we are different people.

If I can suggest tomorrow in your appointment get your GP to suggest a few names and look up their CV online (during the appointment) and then make a decision. This is what I did, maybe it will work for you.

If the psych you see doesn't feel right or isn't working, find a new one. It's ok, it happens from time to time and you're much better off by doing so.

In response to: I don't know if I can do this

KurraSenior Contributor15 Nov 2016, 8:22 pm AEDT

Re: I don't know if I can do this

@R25
Forget about the rate your shrink one. It doesn't appear to exist. The RANZCP one though is excellent. 🎶

In response to: I don't know if I can do this

R25Casual Contributor19 Nov 2016, 11:41 am AEDT

Re: I don't know if I can do this

Just wanted to come back & thank both of you @Kurra @mrkotter I've since got some recommendations from the GP but I've yet to settle + book an app with a psychologist.

Added question:
GP has prescribed me with antidepressants as the test showed:
Depression = severe
Stress = severe
Anciety = extremely severe

I've been on it for 3 days now, yesterday I was groggy the whole day & today I woke up with horrible rush of thoughts + was unable to speak out loud (I was answering my husband in my head but couldn't get words out)... Is it normal to get worse before getting better?

In response to: Re: I don't know if I can do this

Fancy_PantsSenior Contributor19 Nov 2016, 12:19 pm AEDT

Re: I don't know if I can do this

Hi @R25

unfortuantely we can't give you any medical advice because we dont know your unique situation and we are not medically trained, but i do want to say that those symptoms sound concerning. To not be able to speak sounds highly unusual, are you able to get back to the GP today?

im thinking the sooner the better just as you say to check out what is normal and what might need attention

i hope you can get some help

In response to: I don't know if I can do this

ElluSenior Contributor19 Nov 2016, 1:44 pm AEDT

Re: I don't know if I can do this

Dear R25,

You have taken the first giant step towards helping yourself by making that appointment with the GP. He/she will probably refer you to a psychologist to talk through your issues and make sense of past experiences. This is truly empowering and beneficial. I have been involved with mental health issues for many years, and it was talking to my doctor which helped sort out my life and lead a productive life in society. Don't be afraid of medication - modern medication is very sophisticated. Different medications work better for different people, so you may have to experiment (under your doctor's guidance) to find the right one for you. These professionals (doctors, psychologists, psychiatrists) are nothing to be frightened about. They are experts in dealing with people like you and me, and they can make an enormous difference with your life. Trust me, I have been there, and my doctor (psychiatrist) is one of the most important people in my life. Don't be afraid of talking - talking through your issues with an expert is the best way to get rid of past anxieties and present worries.You have taken the first step, now it is time to follow through! My thoughts are with you,

Ellu

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